Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
I believe him.
I absolutely and wholeheartedly believe that he may one day end up doing these things.
Because well he’s angry, isn’t he?
And while I know he has a better control on his urges than he’d like to believe, I know that it rears its ugly head when he sees someone hurting me.
Such as my parents.
After we moved in together, my father had invited us over for dinner. He wanted to make amends and reconcile things. And since I wanted the same, I insisted that we go. Honestly, I should’ve known it would be a disaster because it’s not as if I wasn’t aware Stellan hates my parents or that my mother hates Stellan. But while Stellan was polite albeit reserved, my mother kept staring daggers at him. She kept taunting him about his family, about differences in our status, the fact that he’d beaten up his brother for me. And that according to her, he had no job prospects because he’d just quit and enrolled in college.
In my college no less.
Since he’d decided to quit soccer and pursue a new path, he thought going back to college was a good idea. And since we’d decided to live together, he thought it was best that he enrolled at the same school as me. And let me tell you, my boyfriend is a freaking genius. We have a few classes together and oh my God, he knows everything.
Everything.
He always has all the answers, and he can explain things better than the professors. Ever since he started going, I don’t think I’ve ever paid this much attention in class. Usually, I doodle on the margins of my notebook but these days, I listen to everything he says. Not to mention, I’ve started to do my own homework too. With his help of course but still.
Wow, who knew college could be so fun?
Plus I will never look at study rooms at the library without blushing. Or a Sharpie and a desk, for that matter. I mean it’s hard not to if one of those things has been inside you—the Sharpie—and the other thing has been under you—the table—while you were writhing and humping the Sharpie that your boyfriend was pumping in and out of your pussy.
While he was inside your ass.
And all because I got a math question right and so he decided to reward me even though we were at the library, and he knows how loud I can be. But it’s okay, he clapped his hand over my mouth when my whining got too loud.
All in all, the best decision ever.
But of course, my mother hadn’t known that.
So yeah, disaster it was.
The only person who had any fun at that dinner was my biji. She’d break out chuckling at random moments or simply smirk and sip her margarita as she watched Stellan giving my mother the cold shoulder. At one point she blurted out, “Dil khush kar ditta iss khote de puttar ne.”
Which she went on to translate, without any prompting from me, “I don’t think I’ve ever had this much fun in my life. You’re not such an asshole after all.”
All this to say, I believe him. Even though I made him promise to go easy on my father at least and not engage with my mother at all because like I told him that day, she isn’t worth it. She isn’t worth destroying our happiness over.
“I may burn down the world with my fire,” he keeps going, “and I don’t think that can ever be fixed. I don’t know if I want to fix that. That is the one thing I don’t want to fix about myself, wanting to protect you, wanting to do extreme things to keep you safe. So I don’t think this is fair, me doing this, me asking you what I want to ask you but I…” He takes a deep breath. “As I said I’m selfish and on top of that, I’m in love. And that would still be okay, me being in love, but I’m in love with you and you make me… do crazy things. You make me want to fly. You make me hope. For a future. For a better life. But more than that you make me believe that I can have a life. That I can have a future. That I can live in the light. That I can live outside of that room I’d shut myself in. You make me believe that I can live with this fire inside of me. So instead of making you false promises, I’m going to say that I will. I will always live in the light with you, no matter how scary it seems. I will live outside that room, with you, no matter how hard it seems sometimes. But more than that I will believe. Always. I will always believe that one day I’ll get there. One day I will be the kind of man who deserves you. I will be the kind of man who deserves to cherish you and treasure you and protect you. I will be the kind of man who deserves to love you. But until then, until that day, until the day I’ve earned you, I’m asking you to take a chance. On me. I’m asking you to let me be with you. Forever.”