Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
“Yes. I built my old life around my promise, but this new one, this new life, I’m going to build around you. In this life, when you ask me my name, I will tell you. I will tell you that my name is Stellan. Stellan Thorne and people call me cold. But it’s a façade. A role I play. Because I don’t want them to find out this fire inside of me. This wildfire. This hellfire. Where my demons live. Demons that I battle with every single day.”
He puts a hand on his stomach, as if telling me where they are. “And when you ask me what that means, I will tell you that these demons come from my past. I will tell you that in my old life I tried to keep these demons caged. I tried to suppress them because I thought they would scare people around me. But I think they scared me more than they ever scared anyone else. I was ashamed of them, guilty of them. So I kept them a secret. But in this new life, I’m going to be brave. I’m going to face them head on. I’m going to not only face them but destroy them. I will end them like they ended my life. And it will take time, but I will do it. I will fucking do it, Dora. Because this new life that I’m building around you has a purpose.
“And it’s that I protect you. I protect you above all else. I protect your smiles, your laughter. I protect your happiness, your dreams. Your wants, your needs. Your desires. I protect your emotions and your feelings. I protect that heart of yours. That fire. That big and bright and fucking beautiful fire that found me in the dark. The fire that melted my ice. I’m going to protect it, baby and I’m going to cherish it. I’m going to wrap your heart, your fire in roses. I’m going to keep it safe as you fly without wings. Because you don’t need them, real or otherwise. I’m going to keep you safe, Dora.”
I think I’m ripping his sheets into shreds with how tight I’m holding them. I’m think I’m going to fuse myself with the bed with how heavy I feel right now.
How… pathetically hopeless.
Because he said all these wonderful things. He said all these lovely things, but he didn’t say what I wanted him to say.
He didn’t say what I was dying to hear him say.
“You’re going to keep me safe,” I whisper, curling my toes under the blanket.
“Yeah.”
“I can keep myself safe,” I declare.
“I know.”
“So I don’t need a bodyguard, okay? I’m –”
“But I’d be lying if I said that’s the only thing I’ll do,” he cuts me off.
“What does that mean?” I ask frustrated.
And as promised, he replies, his eyes roving over my features. “It means that in this new life, I’ll do what I couldn’t do before. Not freely. Not without restraints. And it’s that I will love you.”
My mouth parts with a breath.
And he goes on, “I will love you like you deserve to be loved. Recklessly. Thoughtlessly. Insanely. I will love you without any chains or rules. Without boundaries. Without any sense for myself or preservation. Without any thought for myself or care. I will love you with all the fire inside of me, inside of my heart, inside of my gut, inside of my soul. And I will love you every single day. I will love you every single minute of every single day. Every single second of every single minute of every. Single. Day.” A pause and then, “It also means that if you’re leaving, I’m leaving with you.”
“What?”
He shifts on his feet, his spine straight and rigid. “You’re leaving for that camp, yeah? I’m going with you.”
“You’re going with me?”
He nods. “Yes. Where you go, I’ll follow.”
“You’ll follow?”
“You’ve followed me before, haven’t you?” he reminds me. “You’ve chased after me. You’ve done things for me. In my new life, I’ll do things for you. I’ll chase after you.”
My breaths are slamming in and out of my chest right now. My heart is racing and racing. And I don’t think it’s a good thing because I’m going to pass out any second.
I’m going to faint.
Because not only he said – finally, Jesus Christ – that he loves me, he’s saying all these… impossible things that…
He’s blowing my mind right now.
“What about your job?” I ask, my voice high.
“I quit.”
My voice climbs higher. “You quit?”
“While you were sleeping,” he confirms.
“While I was sleeping?”
He nods. “It was the very first thing I did when I brought you into this room.” Then, with something similar to regret flickering through his features, “I wish I could… leave behind everything that… That makes me the way I am but I can’t. So I left behind what I could.”