Total pages in book: 39
Estimated words: 36036 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 180(@200wpm)___ 144(@250wpm)___ 120(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 36036 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 180(@200wpm)___ 144(@250wpm)___ 120(@300wpm)
I’m not sure if I should tell Margarete everything. She’s still drawn to The Covenant. As much as the life she was pushed to live frightens her, she still believes that if she doesn’t accept her fate, things will be far worse. Telling her my truth could cause my worst nightmare to come to fruition.
“They’re all married,” Margarete whispers in the dark. “She’s a woman, and she has three husbands.”
“I think the husbands are also married to each other.”
Margarete turns to me, eyes wide and lips slightly parted.
“Does that bother you?”
She lies on her back, staring up at the ceiling. I wait patiently, not pushing her for a response. I need to ensure that she truly believes her answer without any pressure to respond how I want her to. As I wait silently for her to speak, my heart pounds frantically, and my palms dampen.
When I think I’m about to go mad from waiting, Margarete finally speaks. “I don’t understand it, but no, it doesn’t bother me. Does it bother you?”
“No, it doesn’t. They seem to love each other. Not only that, but the way they are with each other is healthy, unlike our parents. It’s relaxed and easy. I feel like love should be like that, you know?”
“Have you ever been attracted to a man?”
The bluntness of her question is shocking. A part of me wants to lie, but if I do, I’ll be no better than those I saved her from. Margarete has never been direct. I don’t know if it’s the training the women receive in The covenant not to question anything or if it’s her naturally demure and shy personality. But I’ll never lie to her, so I tell her the truth.
“Yes, I have,” I answer honestly. I clear my throat and grab her hand, my heart hammering. “I’ve… been with a man.”
“Do you still want to be with me?”
I brush the strands of hair from her forehead. “Yes, Margarete. I left The Covenant for you. My desire for a person originates from a source that transcends the physical. The essence of love and passion lives in the soul. Your soul speaks to mine, Margarete. It’s as if our souls have been woven together from discarded yarn and formed into something intrinsically beautiful and utterly unique. I’m not willing to do anything to jeopardize what I have with you.”
“What if you meet a man you connect with one day? Not in the same way, but in a manner that’s just as potent and enriching?”
Her question hangs in the air, and I hesitate, afraid of the half-truths that might tumble from my lips. The only way to create a lasting framework is through complete honesty. So I speak my truth. “I have already. I can’t lie to you. There is a man that speaks to my soul the same way you do.” I breathe deeply, my mind reeling at the outcomes of my choices. “I’ve been with Xander.”
I hold my hand up to stall Margarete when she starts to speak. I need to tell her everything I’m feeling and thinking. “I don’t want to have a relationship filled with lies. I want us to be so in tune and in love that any discussion, no matter how difficult, won’t be taboo. I believe untold truths are no better than lies. Eventually, they fester and grow until they become far more daunting than the original issue.”
“I’m not sure if I should feel betrayed, but I don’t. Does this qualify as cheating? I’m not certain. We believed our whole lives that we’d end up with different people.” She pauses and stares around the room. “Perhaps I’d be okay with an alternative lifestyle.”
“You would?”
“I’ve never thought of love as linear. Seeing Azadeh with her men, how they love each other so completely and with utter devotion, makes me realize that God’s plan isn’t so cut and dried. If the Heavenly Father meant for us to pair, we’d have the same desires as wolves. I don’t think a human’s capacity for love is closed off like that. The Elders would label Azedah’s family blasphemous and sinful, but all I see is love. I think about the couples at The Covenant, the silent anger, the positions of servitude and begrudging of duty, and wonder if it’s all lies.”
I brush away the single tear that slips down Margarete’s cheek with my thumb. “You’re my world.”
The bed squeaks as Margarete moves closer, hesitantly climbing over me. She’s never been this bold before. I’ve always initiated our moments of intimacy.
“What are you doing?”
“Remember that day in the woods?”
Remember it? That day is branded in my memory like a tattoo.
“I want to do what we did that day.”
I cup her chin and lift her face so she’s forced to look me in the eye. I want to ensure she knows what she’s doing, that no doubt or misgiving cloud the depths of her beautiful eyes. “You sure?”