Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 90736 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90736 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
“What does that mean, picky about the location?”
“Uh. You couldn’t care less what the food tastes like as long as the place has good lighting.”
His hair started receding about five years ago, and ever since, he’s been really picky about lighting, angles, and how he does his hair if he’s having his photo taken. I swear, he’s worse than I am when it comes to vanity and showing his “good side” in photographs.
“I guess you can leave that part.”
I nod, leaving that part in. “Looking for LT companion. You: fun, spontaneous, and someone who can appreciate dad jokes and bad humor.” I look down at him. “No offense.”
He scowls. “Are you going to delete that?”
“I would, but it’s true. You tell a lot of horrible jokes, and I don’t think a woman should have to laugh just to make you feel good about yourself.”
“Are you joking with me right now?”
“No, I’m not joking with you. You can edit this as much as you want after I’m done writing it, okay?”
He grunts, crossing his arms. “Fine.”
Satisfied, I hit Go Live on the app, and hug him for good luck.
Chapter 18
Danny: You seriously have no plans to see the guy again? After he blew your mind with middle of the night sex?? Girl, you’re crazy.
Harlow: I already told you—I cannot afford to go jet-setting around the US and besides. It sounds like he spends a lot of time with his parents in Ohio . . .
Ava: Ohio? Yikessss . . .
Harlow: What’s wrong with Ohio?
Ava: What’s Not wrong with Ohio.
Harlow: Have you even ever been there?
Ava: That would be a no from me.
Harlow: Then don’t judge. Besides, I have a feeling it’s a lot like Green Bay, and there’s nothing here, either. If you don’t count cornfields.
Danny: Ew, corn.
Harlow: You can’t just come at us with EW, Corn.
Portia: I leave to go to the bathroom for One second, and I come back to thirty messages blowing up my phone. What are y’all even talking about?
Danny: Boys.
Portia: What about them?
Danny: Girl, scroll up.
Harlow: They were asking if I was going to see Andy again, and I said no, it was too far. He lives in Seattle.
Portia: Yeah, no. Too far, you’re not Taylor Swift, you cannot go jet-setting around the country for a man if he can’t come to you.
Harlow: That’s What i Said! Literally.
Danny: I would buy a ticket to the freaking Moon, honey, if it meant good sex.
Ava: That surprises no one.
Harlow: Can we please stop talking about what I’m doing, and can everybody just tell me what they’re doing? It’s stressing me out having everyone talk about my love life lol.
Danny: I’m over here doing no one.
Portia: Yeah, same. Although someone from the condom company who wants to put sponsored ads within the app asked me if she could call me sometime this week . . .
Danny: What?! When were you going to tell us this?
Portia: I’m telling y’all now. I wasn’t sure if it was professional or not to date someone who is planning on paying us for a service.
Ava: I mean—we should probably have a policy about that at some point, but for now, we want to know every sordid detail.
Portia: I’m not really all that interested, but I do appreciate the fact that she put herself out there. So we’ll see.
Harlow: Fair enough.
Portia: I don’t know, she wears a lot of plaid? Who wears plaid in the summer?
Danny: Good point, but who wears plaid, period?
Harlow: I love plaid!!!!!!
Danny: Yeah, we know. But wearing plaid in winter does seem like something you would do. Be honest. Did your grandma have one of those basements with plaid carpet and a tiki bar?
Harlow: No, but I’m sure one of her friends did.
Ava: If that isn’t the most midwestern thing you’ve ever heard of, or is it just a Nana thing?
Harlow: I’d say it’s a midwestern thing, but primarily they did the plaid carpet in the 60s. It was rad back in the day.
Portia: I personally love that look. Vintage is so hot right now.
Danny: Speaking of hot, back to Portia and her dating dilemma . . .
Portia: It’s not a dilemma. She only wanted to know if she could call me, and if anything, it’ll probably only lead to phone sex and nothing more. She’s in Chicago.
Ava: Ugh, that sucks.
Danny: Totally. At least she’s not a Finance Bro hitting you up on Grindr. Fuck my life.
Ava: We don’t have finance bros here, unless you’re talking about the guys who work at the Bank.
Portia: ^^^ Facts.
Harlow: What’s a Finance Bro???
Danny: OMG, Harlow, I should have known you were going to ask that.
Danny: An overly douchey guy who works in the finance district and reeks of male privilege. See: hedge fund manager
Ava: Typically owns a BMW or other foreign douchey car, but almost always takes an Uber to the bar and always wants to talk about money and other finance garbage.