Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 70546 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70546 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
“I’m honestly just really tired of love,” I admit with a sigh. “I’d rather stand outside in a storm and get lashed by its full fury than ever take a chance on someone again. You probably know that I was betrayed. It was humiliating. I was used. Scammed. I don’t know. Maybe all feelings are a scam. Most love is just something that is contrived and sold to the masses. Like watching people go to war for it, making excuses for it, changing the world in a way that they think is fitting for it, and hearing endless stories about it, about how it’s some miracle wonder that can heal all and cure all. It’s so darned danged exhausting.”
Nina takes one step closer, and her boots make wet farting noises. She grins, hearing it, and takes another one. Another wet farting squelch. She loses the smile when she reaches out for me, but she just lets her hand hang there. “I’m so sorry you had a bad experience. That you were hurt.”
“One doesn’t have to be hurt to say they’re tired of seeing token, mushy, nasty crap everywhere. That’s not even what love is. The whole world doesn’t know what love is.” The grump in me is coming back out. I don’t know why I started talking about this in the first place. I should have just offered her a darned towel. I should have stayed silent like I always do.
These kinds of conversations are much better served by having them with the sheep. Or with Herman Merman. He appreciates good philosophy. He’s also a bit of a grump, which is why I love him.
“You have lots of love here.” Nina uses her hand instead and waves it around, indicating the whole farm, I think. What’s wrong with me that I’m disappointed her palm didn’t land on my shoulder or arm or even brush against the back of my hand? “You created a life that’s full of it. That’s commendable. Whether or not it did or didn’t stem from hurt, this is a kind of love that’s undeniable, beautiful, and wondrous. You’re like the custodian of this land, and it has blessed you with the abundance to survive.”
“If that isn’t a bunch of nonsense straight out of a self-help book or a mushy romance novel, I don’t know what is.” I’m turning into a cactus with each passing second. She can’t honestly talk like this in her everyday life, can she? How can she keep up the pace? “You know what else is exhausting? Endless optimism, frilly happiness, and you.” I don’t mean it. I don’t know why I just said that, and I don’t know why I’m closing myself off, retreating back into a shell of unkindness and meanness. I also don’t know why I feel the need to protect myself against this wonderful, beautiful person.
Yes, I was burned before. Yes, I thought I was even in love. Okay, yes, maybe there was a small part of me that wanted to get married to Janet just to spite my family, but I asked because I thought maybe we could be happy. That we could have a future. There was a shred of me that wanted to believe those things people talk about—all that sap and nonsense and goo—were possible and that they were worth it.
Nina just smiles back at me. She puts a hand over her heart, exposing the whole clown on her shirt again. It leers at me as if to say that if anyone is a clown right now, it’s me. A total asshole, douchebag, and butt clown. “More high praise?” she asks with a wink. “Oh, however shall I bear it?” She says it with the ultimate sarcasm, and it almost makes me smile, damn it. “Alright, I’ll be quiet. Being a good listener is equally as important as knowing the right thing to say. I’m shutting up now and perking up my ears. I’m ready to listen to whatever it is you have to say.”
How does she do this? See right through all the barriers I throw up to keep her out? How does she just dodge around them with a big oh hell no, a hair flip, and a finger raised against all conventions with a huge smile on her face the whole time, all that sunshine just shining, shining, shining all over the place? How does she make me want things I was so sure I’d never want again?
“I’d like to be left in peace.”
“Ahh. And so you shall be. In six days, or whenever my car is done, whichever comes faster.”
“I just hope there aren’t any delays,” I grumble.
Her eyes track around the room and settle on one of the chickens, who just happens to be walking across the kitchen counter. “Honestly? I wouldn’t mind if it did get delayed. I like it out here. It’s fun. You never know what’s coming next. That’s probably why you chose it. Because you could tell it was pure magic right from the second you set eyes on it. You seem like you have a good internal radar for magic that everyone else misses.”