Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
And she wasn’t trying to be difficult? “How can you say that?”
“You literally accused me of knowing the circumstances of your adoption and not telling you.”
She was forgetting certain parts of this morning’s conversation. “How long did it take to figure it out, and why didn’t you bother to tell me?”
Her shoulders shrugged, a weary motion. “It wasn’t long, Coop. It was a whole fifteen-minute conversation, and I couldn’t be sure until she said it out loud. I’m sorry I didn’t stop down for a session with you. I was trying to figure out what was going on with Zach. It’s the whole damn reason we were in those woods in the first place.”
“Yeah, the mission.” He wasn’t able to keep the bitterness out of his tone. “The mission always comes first.”
“It does. It has to. And you always knew that about me. Did you think you could change me?”
“I don’t want to change you.” He didn’t. He just… He wasn’t even sure what he wanted at this point except to have her fucking hold him. Which was stupid.
“You do,” she said with the saddest look on her face. She moved now, approaching him. She moved into his space, and her hands came up, cupping his cheeks. “I know this thing has been between us for a very long time, but this is the reality, and it didn’t take long to break us. I know it’s my fault. I don’t behave the way I should.”
Damn, but she could break his heart. “I don’t want you to change, Kala, but can I have an emotion, too?”
Her lips curled up slightly, and she was looking at him like she was studying for a test to be held later. Or memorizing him. “You have all the emotions, babe. You are a fully functional human. And for some reason, I’m not, and I don’t think that’s going to change. We’re always going to end up back here, you and I. If you can’t trust me when all logic says I didn’t betray you, how will you handle it when the logic goes against me?”
He sighed, his hands going to her hips. At least she was touching him. “I didn’t honestly think you had anything to do with the adoption. Obviously.”
“But you thought I might have known something and didn’t tell you. You definitely thought my dad knew,” she pointed out. “If he knows something, I usually do. Mostly because I’m very nosy.”
He needed to calm down. “I don’t blame you.”
“But you did, and deep down there’s still a little bit of you wondering if I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s a good way to throw off Joyce. I couldn’t have known Zach would show up. Or maybe I did, and this was how I threw off Zach.”
She didn’t understand. “I don’t think you’re working with Zach.”
“Can I hug you?” she asked.
“You can always hug me.” Even when he was so angry he couldn’t breathe, he wanted her arms around him.
She wrapped him up, laying her head on his shoulder. “You’re going to be all right. This doesn’t change anything for you. Your parents love you.”
“I know.” He was calming down now that she was close. He could smell her, feel the warmth of her body against his, and somehow it was easier to breathe. “I’m sorry I said those things.”
“I’m sorry, too,” she whispered. When she pulled back there were tears in her eyes. She stepped away, wiping at them. “And I’m sorry about…all of it, I guess. I don’t mean to be exhausting. But I don’t know another way to be. I’m always going to be difficult, and you’re always going to deserve more.”
“What?” He wasn’t sure how they’d gone from her comforting him to… “Kala, I apologized. I didn’t mean it.” He hated how red her eyes were. She was the strongest woman he knew, and he’d brought her to this. He reached out, taking her hand in his. “I’m exhausting, too. Baby, you can’t take every fight and turn it into a breakup.”
“We’ve had plenty of fights, Coop. This is something else. This is me recognizing that it won’t ever work. Deep down you don’t trust me, and I understand. I’ll always be a spy, and you’ll always wonder if I won’t give you up for the mission. Hell, I don’t know. Maybe I would. I can be ruthless. I’m a Taggart, after all.”
Fuck. She’d taken everything he said literally.
And how did you mean for her to take it, asshole? You know how her brain works and you still talked to her like that. Don’t tell yourself you’re the only one putting work in. She’s spent days and days taking care of you, opening herself up to you physically and emotionally when it scares the shit out of her.
“I love you, baby.” He held her hand. “I had a bad reaction to some freaky news, and I put it on you. It doesn’t mean anything. You said it yourself. It doesn’t change anything.”