Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 111610 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 558(@200wpm)___ 446(@250wpm)___ 372(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111610 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 558(@200wpm)___ 446(@250wpm)___ 372(@300wpm)
Kyle’s eyes pop to me and then back to Samantha, trying to fit the puzzle pieces together.
“You’re with him?” Kyle asks Samantha.
“Yes, but don’t worry, as I’ve already explained to everyone else . . . I’m not a gold digger. I’m only in it for the dick,” Samantha says evenly, as if saying it’s a beautiful night outside.
I should’ve known not to worry about her. If anyone can deal with Kyle, it’d be her.
“What?” Aunt Vivian sputters.
“Oh, yeah, you weren’t here for that part. Sorry.” Samantha smiles, serene as can be, as she apologizes to Vivian, who’s still sputtering at the crude comment.
Kayla, apparently trying to smooth things over, leans over and whispers something in Kyle’s ear. From the look on her face, I’m guessing she’s trying to play peacemaker, but who knows?
Suddenly, Devin stands up, pushing his chair back to give himself room between his mother and girlfriend. “To get things back on a positive note, I’d like to say something. I know Mom doesn’t ask for much, but I thought this was the best birthday gift I could give her. And the most fitting.”
Devin gets down on one knee and, as several gasps fill the room, reaches into his jacket pocket to pull out a ring.
I have a moment of complete confusion. Ring plus down on his knee should equal a proposal. But Devin said this is a gift for his mom.
Oh, fuck, is he proposing to his mother?!
Ewwwwwwww. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
I mean we’ve always joked that Aunt Viv and Devin are oddly close, but I thought it was more in a babying sort of way, not an Oedipus complex way.
Thankfully—is that really the minimum to be grateful for—he turns to Bridgette.
“Baby, you make me so happy and I can’t wait for you to be part of our family. Will you marry me?”
Before Bridgette answers, Aunt Viv has her hands on Devin’s shoulders, leaning in beside him and grinning maniacally. “Yes! Say yes, and join us!”
Us? Is she talking about in matrimony or in a Stepford Wife, resistance-is-futile way? Because given Vivian’s wild eyes, I’m not sure.
Bridgette, who I’ve only met a couple of times but seems remarkably normal to be tied up with Devin, nods happily, only having eyes for him. She reaches for Devin, wrapping her arms around his neck for a hug, but she virtually has to rip him from Vivian’s grasp.
Bridgette starts to sob into their hug, mumbling something that sounds like, “I told you I wanted you to propose when it was just the two of us.”
But Aunt Vivian wails dramatically, drowning out anything Bridgette might be saying and drawing the attention back to where it belongs—on her. Always and only, on her.
“My baby’s getting married! I know just the place and season—Mykonos in September! It’ll be so stunning. Oh, and we’ll have to get an appointment at Jacob’s, of course. He’s simply the best at bespoke suits. And the food? We’ll have to decide on which chef to hire.”
Aunt Vivian’s loud rambling tells me that she probably has a notebook already prepped and ready for Devin’s nuptials.
Everyone else’s reactions are more appropriate—clapping and cheers and congratulations coming from around the table.
As Bridgette and Devin separate and he slips the ring onto her finger, they seem truly happy. Except for the harpy that’s flitting about, bothering them.
“Let me see! I told Devin to get you a princess cut ring so we’d match.” Aunt Vivian holds up her own hand, flashing her huge engagement-wedding-anniversary ring combo. When she sees Bridgette’s ring, whose solitaire diamond is visible from here, she squeals, “Oh, it’s so cute! Great job, Devin!”
With that, she pulls her son into a huge, tight hug, exclaiming, “That’s the best birthday gift you could’ve gotten me. Thank you!”
Bridgette is sitting there, shell-shocked and completely excluded from what should be a couple’s moment.
Grandpa Chuck is watching with raised brows but says nothing, Grandma Beth is smiling sweetly, and my whole family is biting their tongues to keep from laughing out loud at Vivian’s theatrics. Not that she’d care what any of us think, exactly, but she is putting on this show for us, I think. Otherwise, why would Devin do the whole proposal thing at his mother’s birthday dinner, especially if Bridgette asked him for something different?
She asked him to.
Samantha leans into me and whispers in my ear, “Forget your Dad and Kyle. I want to do an entire case study on Vivian and Devin.” As she leans back, we lock eyes and I can see the professional horror in hers. “Wow!” she mouths animatedly.
She’s absolutely right.
Realizing she’s lost our attention, Aunt Vivian snaps, both her literal fingers and her tone at Samantha, “I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name. What was it again? Sarah? No worries, point is . . . you’ll have your day too. If you learn how to speak without the obscenities.” She crinkles her nose in delayed distaste at Samantha’s earlier use of the word dick. “But today is about Devin. Pay attention to what matters.”