Total pages in book: 146
Estimated words: 137077 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 685(@200wpm)___ 548(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137077 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 685(@200wpm)___ 548(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
A single tear tracks down her face and she sniffles. “I think I’m supposed to be sad. But I don’t really remember her, you know? I have a picture of us. I’m little…” She looks at Emmett, who’s finished his bottle, and I set him up on my knee, patting his back. “I was standing up, so maybe a little older than Emmett?” she guesses. “And Mom’s smiling so big, like she was really happy. I should remember that, right?”
Her eyes implore me to agree with her, but I think she knows there’s no way a baby would have that memory. So I kiss her forehead and remind her, “Babies don’t create memories like you and I do now. It’s not snapshots, like a picture in your head.” I tap my head. “Their memories are feelings—like safety and security, love and trusting that their needs will be met. And you have those memories.” I place a hand over my heart. “From your mom and your dad, because both of them loved and love you so much.”
“Do you remember your mom?” she blurts out.
There’s a pinch in my heart and a frog in my throat, but I nod, being honest. “I was older than you were when my mom died, and she was sick for a while before that. She knew she didn’t have long and spent a lot of time trying to put all these vivid images in my head so I’d have them after she was gone. So yeah, I remember things about her, like she always put rainbow sprinkles on my ice cream but chocolate ones on hers, but even still, what I remember most is an overwhelming sense of love.”
“That makes sense,” she says, sounding way more mature than her young years. But in the same way my life has aged me, forcing me to mature faster than others sometimes, Grace has done that too, living an experience well beyond her years. “I just wish I had a mom sometimes, you know? Like I wonder what it would be like if she were still here. I mean, not that you’re not great!”
I laugh. “It’s okay, Grace. I’m not your mom. No one will ever be her. But I’m very glad to have some little part in helping you become who you’re going to be. Because I think you’re going to be amazing.” I grin as I lean her way and whisper, “I kinda think you already are.”
A soft smile slowly blooms on her lips. “Thank you. I think you’re amazing too.”
“And it’s okay to wonder what life would’ve been like if your mom were still alive. But don’t get too stuck in what-ifs… maybe it’d be a picture-perfect life like you wish it’d be… or maybe any of a million other things could’ve happened between then and now. There’s no way to know.”
“So just stick to the what-is?” she asks. “Even if reality sucks sometimes?”
“Yeah,” I admit sadly. “Sometimes, bad things happen. But they don’t define us. They don’t make us stronger, or better, or any other cliché thing. They just… happen.” It’s a cold, hard truth of life I think she can relate to more than most children her age. “And sometimes, the bad things put us on an entirely different path than we ever thought we’d be on. That’s not good or bad, it’s just… different, and that’s okay too.”
Emmett burps loudly, and we both giggle. Letting Grace think about what I’ve said, I move to the floor, getting the baby set up with toys all around him. After a minute, Grace sits down beside me too, her back against the couch.
“I think this different is good… now that you’re here,” she informs me.
“I think it’s good too,” I reply, astounded by her maturity and smarts and big, big heart. “Now that I’m with you and your dad.”
Austin had better look out. He’s run me off jobs before. But without my even realizing it, I’ve been slowly getting stronger over the years, less and less susceptible to his manipulations, and now, I’m done with him. This time, I’m digging my heels in, putting in some deep roots, and I will go to war to keep this family. Cameron, who says he wants more with me, and Grace, who seems open to my being a part of their family in some way.
I’m sure Austin thinks I’ll run the way I always have. But that’s not happening.
And if push comes to shove, I will destroy Austin if that’s what it takes for me to finally be happy.
CAMERON
“Holy shit!” Riley exclaims, and immediately, both hands cover her mouth. From behind her palms, she mutters, “Sorry, but… holy shit!” Her eyes stare out the front windshield, and in the backseat, Grace starts laughing at Riley’s curse word-filled outburst.
It’s completely expected, given she’s seeing my family home for the first time. It’s obnoxiously huge, with a sweeping staircase up to a double-door entrance, an artificial turf front yard that’s bright green despite the season, and a ridiculous statue-filled fountain in the front.