Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 62128 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 311(@200wpm)___ 249(@250wpm)___ 207(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62128 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 311(@200wpm)___ 249(@250wpm)___ 207(@300wpm)
I finish up my second slice of avocado toast, cleaning my hands on a napkin before leaning back against the booth and shrugging. “This is all I've known since I was eighteen years old,” I say.
The day Dad got diagnosed.
Everything changed for me then.
My goals may not have changed, but the why behind the goal did. I know that things have finally slowed down, and his health is finally looking up, but it's hard to just stop doing all the things you've done for almost a decade.
“I know,” she says. “And I'm sorry you had to step up and take care of a teenybopper little sister, shuffling me around to and from school events, grocery shopping, meal planning, all of it. I'm sorry you felt responsible for me—”
“I'm not sorry,” I cut her off. “Hadley, I love you. I remember the day Mom and Dad brought you home. I'd never been more excited in my life. My new best friend was sitting there, crying in a car seat. It was the best day of my three-year-old life.”
Her eyes water, and I wave her off.
“It was,” I say. “And our parents are amazing. I was more than happy to step up and help the family out when I was needed. None of it has ever been a burden on me.”
“I know it's not a burden,” she says. “And I honestly think that you stepping up like you did, in a way that so many other people wouldn't and it would be totally understandable, has been the sole reason why Dad has not only survived this long, but is suddenly looking at a life without constant treatment. Without you doing what you did, and continuing to do what you do, Mom wouldn't be able to take care of him like she does. Dad wouldn't have the doctors or the treatment that he does. And while I know none of us will ever be able to repay you for that, even when you say we don't owe you anything, I can hope that you'll focus on yourself for once.”
I swallow hard. “I do things for myself,” I say, shrugging. “Hell, I’m known as the cocky playboy of the Badgers, remember? You can barely go on a social site without seeing me plastered on it, one ridiculous headline after the next.”
“Serial dating isn't exactly self-care,” she says. “Not that there's anything wrong with it. But lately, that hasn't been in the headlines.”
I remain silent, cocking a brow at her, knowing what's about to come next.
“Everything I see reported on you has been about your involvement with Reese,” she continues. “And I know you told me that it was a mutually beneficial situation, but the more I see of you two together, the more I'm highly doubting it's as fake as you're claiming it is.”
I rub my palms over my face.
I can't lie to Hadley. Never have, never will.
“I knew it,” she says before I can even respond. “It totally isn't fake.”
“It's complicated,” I explain. “It definitely was set up that way in the beginning,” I continue.
That night months ago seems like such a different version of myself when I look back on it. I thought the little business endeavor that me and Reese struck would be a fun adventure, short-lasting but amusing. But here I am, months later, and I have no intention of breaking things off.
“I don't know how to navigate this,” I admit to Hadley.
“Being monogamous?” she asks, not a hint of judgment in her tone.
“Not just that,” I say. “The idea of being with her and only her is easy. It has been since the beginning. I have no interest in anyone else, but for the last decade, I've had one sole purpose and that's to work as hard as I can for as long as I can to ensure my family is taken care of.”
“You’ve done that, though. We’re all doing well, because of you,” she says. She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “You've done everything to ensure that. It's definitely time you start focusing on yourself, Nash,” she says, leaning back in the booth again. “You need to figure out what you really want. And if that's being the best and most badass hockey player there is, then keep doing what you're doing. If that somehow also includes a real relationship with Reese with no business arrangement around it? Then you need to do it. You deserve the world, regardless of how you present yourself as the cocky, goofy, know it all in front of the cameras.”
“I know it sounds ridiculous,” I say. “But I haven't put my wants or needs first in a long time. It feels strange, almost wrong, somehow. Not to mention Reese hasn't expressed if what we're doing is still under the guise of being fake or not. I can't tell if she's just really enjoying the success from the videos that we post, or if she actually likes me. I'm in uncharted territory and that scares me.”