Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Just as I had that thought, the man himself entered the room where I had gone to decompress before we got started while she was in makeup. There’s something about his presence that relaxes me. If he says that everything will be okay, I will believe him, no questions asked.
“How are we doing, kid?”
“I’m getting there. I didn’t think it was going to be this hard. I’ve done a thousand shows, but for some reason, this one seems to be the hardest.”
“That’s because you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. What did you want out of tonight?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what is it that you want the world to know?” That was a tough one. It should be simple, but for someone who did this high off my ass my entire career, not to mention the hell that has been my life the last five years, there’s so much more to this one concert than I’ve ever had riding on anything before.
“I don’t know how to answer that.”
“Do you want to do this or not?”
“Of course… wait, you can stop it?”
“I can do anything, but it’s what you want that counts. I can get you out of here, no questions asked and no hard feelings.”
“But what about Elena?”
“What about her?”
“What do you mean what about her? This is for her. Don’t you get it? This is my way of showing the world that we’re together again. I need to do this to erase all the pain and heartache she suffered because of me and what I did to her.”
“Are you sure? Because you can go back to being a selfish jackass and leave her hanging out there to dry. You can embarrass her again by not going out on that stage.”
“What the hell are you saying, Lyon?”
“Isn’t that what you want?”
“Of course not.”
“Then what is it that you want?”
“I want to give her everything. I want her fans to see her healed and happy. I want people to stop second-guessing our relationship. I want the last five years to never have happened.”
“But they did happen, and you did do those things. Now you’ve made reparation, and you’re trying to do the right thing. Maybe you should forgive yourself.”
“Forgive myself?”
“Yes, forgive yourself. You’re as much a victim as she is, but you don’t seem to accept that. The people who interfered with your lives didn’t just hurt her; you lost a lot, too, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but she was the one… I feel sick.”
He walked over and slapped me on the back reassuringly. ‘Tonight is about new beginnings. You have to leave all of this here in this room. Don’t take it out there with you. But you have to do it for yourself, not just for Elena.”
“Ryder, oh, hi, Mr. Lyon. I didn’t know you two were busy; I’ll come back.”
“No no, I was just about to leave. You two talk.” He gave me one last look before leaving the room.
“Are you okay? You look stressed.”
I started to lie to her that it was just the usual pre-performance jitters but thought better of it at the last minute. If, like he says, tonight was about new beginnings, then I didn’t want to start the night off with a lie.
“I’m scared.”
“Me too!”
“You are? What are you scared about? The performance?” She shook her head no.
“I’m afraid that it might be too much for you.”
She walked into my arms, and I held her, or we held each other, and all those raw feelings seemed to disappear. As much as I wished we were back at her apartment in the city with the blinds closed and the rest of the world shut out, I knew that if we wanted to have any kind of life going forward together, that this night had to happen.
“I’m sorry you have to do this because of me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on, you know the reason we’re doing this is to undo the damage I’ve done over the last five years. If none of that had happened, we wouldn’t be here now.”
“Ryder, stop it, look at me. We don’t live for the world anymore, do you understand? What happened is in the past, you and me, we’ve forgiven each other, and now we’re moving on. Tonight is for our fans, a way to repay them for standing by us through all this, but you and I, we’re past this already. It’s just a performance. You’ve done everything you needed to do for me. I forgave you, and you forgave me.”
“What did you need forgiveness for?”
“I wasn’t perfect, Ryder, and I’m never going to be. We both did and said things that we’re not proud of, but that’s all behind us now. So let’s just go out there and sing our hearts out.”
***
*Elena*
It’s funny, but seeing him so nervous and unsure of himself gave me the confidence I needed to get through the night. I had the same doubts he had; that’s why I’d sought him out, but seeing him like that made me feel like I had to be strong for both of us.