Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
So, although I was almost close to tears because of the loss of her, I held onto the hope that I could turn things around. That I could one day be back in her orbit where I could partake of the genuine love she had for those who mattered.
I stood back and let the others around me push forward with their hands outheld, waiting for her to sign whatever it was that they’d grabbed upon seeing her and felt more alive than I had in the days past.
When I’d learned through the people I had on her that she was taking a trip, there was no question that I was going to follow. My treatment was only halfway finished, and there was a danger of me regressing, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t not be here. I’m not sure why because I still can’t get close to her, but I needed to be here.
I won’t go back home until I’m sure I’m ready, and there’s no guarantee that I wouldn’t be noticed if I went back to LA, so this was probably the last time I’d be able to be this close to her for a while before she goes back home.
I stood back now and watched as she laughed and joked with her adoring friends and felt like I’d won the greatest thing when she lifted her head one last time and searched for me in the crowd. I couldn’t beat the tears this time and was too close to doing something stupid, like going to her and grabbing her, so I turned and walked away with wet eyes and a heavy heart.
Chapter 22
*Elena*
It can’t be; there’s no way. But I know what I saw. Or do I? Maybe I’m losing my mind again. Uh-uh, nope, I’m not going back down that rabbit hole of destruction again. I won’t fill myself with doubts and what-ifs again because that shit takes forever to end. But what’s the alternative? Should I believe what I saw or write it off as my mind playing tricks on me again?
The way my heart was racing and my skin tingling, I was afraid I already knew the answer but was just too afraid to accept it because I didn’t know what it meant. If I didn’t accept what my eyes and heart had seen, then I’d have to make a trip back to the doctor and admit that I’d failed once again, and if I accepted, it’d just be opening a rusty can of rotten worms that I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with.
Ryder? Here? How? Why? And why now? This is crazy. I barely made it through my last smile for the last fan without a complete meltdown or panic attack before making my excuses and heading into the ice cream shop.
I was doing my best not to give myself away to Sydney and Rachel because I didn’t want to sound or look crazy, but my mind was racing with questions. There was no way for me to pretend that it didn’t happen. To just push it aside like I do everything else and pretend that life just goes on. Ryder had most definitely been less than six feet away from me. I can still feel him.
Now I’m wondering if what I felt in the hospital was real. Granted, I didn’t see him then and had no real proof, but I know what I know. I’d felt him before I saw him, and that, more than anything, was bothering me.
After all this time, how could I still feel him? Sense him? The way I always did in the past. Strong and powerful, like an electric current rushing beneath the surface of my skin that ignited every fiber of my being and always made me come alive like no one else ever could.
“Hey, chicklet, what flavor? Are you okay?” I plastered a smile on my face and hoped she didn’t look too deeply into my eyes or touch me right now because I was pretty sure I was vibrating. It didn’t work because the smile turned into tears, and she rushed me out of there so fast my feet barely touched the pavement outside.
“Head down, head down, here, take my phone, pretend that you’re talking to someone.” She laughed and tapped my shoulder with the fingers of the hand she had wrapped around me while I fumbled to get her phone to my ear. To anyone looking, we were sharing a joke with someone on the phone.
I heard Rachel running to catch up and then Sydney shooing her away with a lie, “It’s her agent; we’ll meet you back on the boat; forget the ice cream for now.” Rachel didn’t leave right away, and once again, I could only imagine the look Sydney gave her to get her moving. Those two have yet to call a cease-fire, and I’ve long given up trying.