Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
All the old feelings and memories of us came rushing back with that one thought. The calming peace I always felt in her presence was back as well, and I felt more whole in the time I sat there with her than I had in the almost five years without her.
I didn’t speak out loud because I didn’t want to wake her, but I sure did a lot of talking in my head. How the fuck had I let this go? What the hell happened to us? The only thing I remember is the anger, the fury, the pain, and the hurt. But looking at her now, there’s no way she betrayed me. But why did I believe it? It’s here that my mind gets fuzzy, and I start to get a headache.
After that night, I knew I was pushing it. Besides, she was going home in a few days, so there would be no need for me to come back here. That last night for the first time, I did something more than hold her hand. As I was about to leave, I kissed her cheek, something I didn’t know how much I had missed until I did it.
Her cheeks, I was never able to keep my lips off of them for long when we were together. For some reason kissing her cheek fills me with warmth and a pleasure that’s way out of proportion for the innocent gesture that it is. I didn’t only kiss her cheek but whispered something in her ear that I was sure she didn’t hear, but I needed it, needed to say the words out loud because they were screaming in my heart.
“I miss us; I miss you. Get better and stay better; wait for me.” It was the hardest thing I ever did, letting go of her hand that night. It hurt more than the last time because this time, I wasn’t high off my ass.
I looked back at her only once when I reached the door before walking out of there with a new purpose. Now it’s time to get my shit together.
***
*Elena*
“Ryder?” I came awake with tears on my cheeks and a feeling of happiness that had been missing from my life since the day he left. That feeling carried on for the first few seconds after I opened my eyes, and it felt so real that I reached for him. He wasn’t there, and the feeling was gone just as soon as it came.
I looked around the room, and it all came back to me. It was a dream, wasn’t it? I’m not sure the meds are working, at least not in the way the doctor expects, because I’m almost certain I could smell him here. Am I losing my mind?
His cologne, how could I forget its scent? It’s the one that I’d bought him, the only one he’d used when we were together. There’s a safe bet that he wouldn’t still be wearing it since he only really did it to please me. But why was that scent lingering in the air here? And why did it give me so much comfort?
I decided not to tell the doctor about this development because I was sick of this place and ready to go home to my own bed. Plus, the fact that he wasn’t here was one thing, but the comfort I got just thinking that he might’ve been was another.
I guess I really do still miss him to the point that the dream was making me feel better than my reality without him in it did. I could still hear the words he’d said to me, still feel the brush of his lips against my ear as he said them. ‘I miss us; I miss you.’
I got lost in a world of my own making inside my head and let myself believe for one second that it was real or that this was some sort of sign. There’s no danger in that, is there? Whether or not there is, I was enjoying it too much to let it go. It was the first real happiness I’d felt in almost five years, so sue me.
“Well, we’re looking better. Have a good night?” I was so preoccupied that I didn’t hear the doctor come in.
“Yes, doctor, I’m feeling much better, thank you. Can I go home now?” He looked down at the chart in his hand like all doctors do in that way that made it seem as if they had no idea what was written there.
I always wondered about that. If the nurse was the one making all the notations, what exactly was the doctor’s part in all this? I see them more than I see him. Whoa, Elena, stay focused. “Well, I see here that you’ve been doing much better the last few days; in fact, you’ve been doing better than expected in such a short space of time.”