Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
I could see her escaping for a little while because of the shame of being jilted, but not three whole years without a peep. Worse than the pain of losing her was the feeling that I had been wrong, that this whole thing had been for nothing. That I’d destroyed the woman I love because of a mistake. It was that thought that kept me from crossing over the line. I think I’m at the point where I’m too afraid to know the truth if indeed it was all a lie.
It seemed that my thoughts lit a fire under me, and I dug out the old book I used to scribble my thoughts, which usually turned into songs. I was exactly where I’d left it the last time I was in here. I could see that day in my mind now, as clear as if it were yesterday.
Her cheeks as she smiled up at me with a ray of sunlight highlighting her eyes. My hand on her cheek as she looked up at me with such trust, such love. For the first time in forever, I felt the warmth of her smile touch my heart, and that one moment propelled me to do something I’d missed doing, something I didn’t think I would be able to do again without her here.
I could hear her voice in my head as I wrote, the way she used to push me not to hold back. We’d done that for each other in the past. I guess it says something that her best work was created without me. That’s the one thought that had been hounding me for months now. I’m sure everyone else had noticed as well. So now, all those people who never wanted the two of us together must be happy. All those people who didn’t want the bad boy to sully their precious little princess.
The pain of rejection was still there, and I tried using it now. It worked for a while, but there was a song, words burning in my chest that I needed to get out. The others were heavy and harsh, but this one was softer, and there would be no denying who it was for.
Fuck it; she made a whole album about me; why shouldn’t I do the same? Maybe this should be our new thing, telling each other how we felt through music as a kind of way to keep in touch. Fuck knows she’d never forgive me or give me another chance. This would’ve been our third too.
Chapter 14
*Ryder*
“This is gold. Some of the best shit you’ve ever written.” At least that was something, and I know from the way you’re all looking at me that you know exactly who every one of them is about. I didn’t say shit because they didn’t say shit, and that was that.
I knew before I brought it to them that it was some of my best work. Because even if she wasn’t there with me in the flesh, I had felt her spirit all over me in that studio. Just the memories of her had been enough to keep that fire ablaze, and the words kept coming as if they’d been locked away in there, just waiting to be released.
“So, when can I start the tour?”
“That’s what I like to hear. Let’s get these on the air, and then we’ll get that all sorted. I think maybe a couple of months.” I was shaking my head long before he said his last word.
“No, I need to get moving now. Do the release sooner and promote the tour at about the same time. I know it’s not usually done, but I’m Ryder, and I can pull it off.”
I left them to their shit and went for a drive. It was time for me to obsessively play her new album as I sped out to all of our old haunts. Since I didn’t have her with me while in the studio, her memory and this last album had been my only company. I’d gotten a break from my annoying housemate all these months because she likes nothing more than to see me making money, the greedy bitch.
I almost ran into the back of a truck when I saw Elena on a billboard heading into the hills. “The fuck!” What did that say? It didn’t look like a promo for music, though I’d heard through the grapevine that she was going on tour. I may or may not be putting a rush on my own so that we could maybe run into each other somewhere.
“I just want to see you. Why are you hiding from me?” It felt good to yell those words out loud. So I kept talking to her as if she were there with me. “I really miss you, you know. And I’m so sorry, so fucking sorry.” I didn’t try to stop the tears when they came this time, just kept driving faster.