Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 71679 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71679 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
I can’t stay silent, even if it hurts us both. “I was scared to death,” I whisper. “I called your sister. I’m sorry. We talked outside. Leon…I—I know. I know a lot of it, and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for the kid you never got to be, and I’m sorry for the pain now. I’m sorry that some people are beyond horrible. My heart is destroyed.”
I know it has to suck for him, but Leon moves. He turns slowly in the bed until we’re facing each other. The mattress is so small that we’re pressed together. I extend my hand and rest it on his chest. His T-shirt is damp, clinging to hard muscle. His eyes are shiny in the dark, but his face is as impassive as ever with the mask he’s so used to wearing that he can’t let it slip even now.
“I’ll stay if it’s okay.” I can’t help it. I have to move my hand up and stroke it over his hair. An exhale escapes. He closes his eyes like he wants even that much back. Just one single, telling, exhausted breath. “Your sister is making tea because she wasn’t sure if she should come in here. She told me why. She told me everything. It’s late, so she’s going to spend the night.”
Leon’s eyes burn against me as I run my hand in gentle movement over his temple. I watch the way his eyes shutter close, and I do it again, massaging so very gently in small circles with my fingertips. “I’ll stay right here. I have serious badass skills that you know nothing about, so I’ll keep watch tonight. I’m not going to let anything hurt you again. I’ll burn the world down before I let anyone else do that either.”
He groans low in his throat. “That’s rather extreme.” His voice is raspy. Rusty.
I’m still so thankful for it regardless. “Oh, thank god. You weren’t saying anything.”
“My head hurts.”
“I know. What can I do?”
He leans into my hand. He actually leans into my fingertips and closes his eyes. “Just that. It feels…good.” He sounds shocked. He keeps his eyes closed, and his breathing becomes more even, a little deeper, but I can tell he’s nowhere near sleep.
“I thought you’d hate me for knowing.” My voice is just as broken as his. Just as rough and raw.
“I hate the fact that you know. Never you, though.”
I want to curl my arms around him and hold on forever. I want to weep. I want to be the one to find a way to fix him, to take this away from him. Not just the pain but all of it.
“You need to sleep. I’m here,” I promise again.
Even before I finish saying the words, Leon’s breaths even out. They’re regular, deep. And his face is different. Peaceful. He’s so beautiful that I’m broken all over again. I’ve never seen him look like this before. I keep massaging his temple and forehead for what feels like hours, then I wrap one arm around him and curl up against him. I slip my leg between his, using myself like a human shield, a human blanket, and then I know.
I know that I’ve found the precipice. That defining moment between falling and fallen. And I am so far gone for this man that there is no retrieving myself back.
8
LEON
I can count the number of times I’ve spent even a fraction of the night with another person, and by count, I mean that it’s an easy tally because the number is zero. I mean, in the cuddling, holding, intimate kind of way in the hours between dark and mostly morning. I’m no saint, and in the past, I’ve had functional relationships with other women who weren’t looking for anything more than a nice dinner and a few hours of mutual pleasure after that with zero strings or expectations tied to it. It worked for me. It was all I could handle since it’s not spending the night. I had no intention of letting anyone in. Ever.
And then…Darby.
Darby, my assistant. Darby, my wife. Darby, the woman who slipped her arms around me on that tiny bed and twined her much smaller body around mine like I was the one who needed to be protected. She’d offered to fight my demons for me, and her voice was thick and heartbroken, but it was also rough with determination. I was lost in a sea of pain, too physically exhausted to make her leave. I didn’t think it was possible, but I fell asleep for a few hours.
I woke up, and it was still dark out, but it was the kind of dark that meant sunrise wasn’t far off. The migraine was gone when I opened my eyes. I felt wrung out and exhausted, but I couldn’t bear the sweetness of Darby’s arm draped around me. She’d stayed, just like she promised.