Total pages in book: 168
Estimated words: 153571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 768(@200wpm)___ 614(@250wpm)___ 512(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 153571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 768(@200wpm)___ 614(@250wpm)___ 512(@300wpm)
"You lied to me. You both lied to me."
"I'm sorry."
I'm so fucking sorry, kiddo.
"Maybe you are, but you did it anyway." She smiles at me sadly, that disappointment still in her eyes. "You both knew I was worried about you, but you lied to me anyway. Did you come here because she was here?"
"No, I…" I sigh heavily and shake my head. "I didn't know she was here when I got here. That's not why I came."
"Then why?"
For the first time in my life, I think about telling her what's going on with my job. I seriously consider telling her the whole fucked up truth. But I can't do that. I can't burden her with anything else when I've already sent her world spinning out of orbit by falling for Mila. I need her safe. It's my job to protect her, and I can't fucking tell her the truth when it'll only worry her more.
"I needed to get away for a while," I say instead, giving her a partial truth.
"You're still lying to me."
I grit my teeth, but say nothing.
"I'm not a little girl anymore. Why can't you just tell me what's going on? I know something's wrong."
"I can't, Tahani. It's not safe."
"Does Mila know?"
I flinch at the question.
"She does, doesn't she? You told her, but you won't tell me," she says, her expression crumbling again. Tears stream down her face, betrayal in her gaze. "Why can't you trust me too?"
"It's not even like that, Hani," I say, hating that she thinks that's what this is about, that I don't trust her. It's not even remotely close to the truth. "You're my daughter. It's my job to protect you, not the other way around."
"Are you in danger?"
"I–" I swallow and shake my head, not willing to vocalize the lie. I'm fucking tired of lying to her. I've been doing it for years, and I hate it.
"You're lying to me again," she whispers and then she sighs, her expression firming. "If you can't tell me the truth, I don't think there's anything else to say."
Those words wreck me, but I don't blame her for them. How can I? I'm a fucking asshole. If she needs time to work through this…if she needs to be pissed at me for protecting her…so long as she's safe, I'll live with it.
"I understand," I tell her, my voice thick. "But none of this is her fault. If you need to be pissed at me…if you need to hate me…I'll fucking find a way to deal with it. But don't blame her for any of this. This is on me, okay? Not her."
Tahani opens her mouth and then closes it and nods.
We stand there for a long moment, neither of us speaking, and then I say fuck it and pull her into my chest. I hug her hard, drop a kiss to the top of her head, and then step back, praying like hell that she finds a way to forgive me soon. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't.
"I think I'm going to find a hotel for the night," she whispers.
"You don't have to do that, kiddo." I frown at her. This is her house too. She can stay here anytime she wants.
"I think I do." She gives me another sad little smile, her bottom lip quivering. "Bye, Daddy."
"I love you, Tahani." My eyes burn as she turns and walks down the stairs, taking half of my heart with her.
"You should go after her," Mila whispers when she comes up the stairs a few minutes later. She's crying again.
I pull her into my arms and bury my face in her hair, just breathing her in. She lets me hold her, running her hands up and down my back like she's trying to comfort me. My nerves are shot, my heart mangled.
"I love you, Roman."
Her soft words ground me, pulling me back from the ledge.
"I love you too." I tip her face up with one hand and press my lips to her forehead. My breath leaves my lips in a shaky exhalation. "I don't know if she's going to forgive me. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do if she doesn't."
"I'm tearing you two apart," Mila whispers, reaching up to cup my cheek. More sadness creeps into her eyes.
"No." I take her face in my hands, staring down at her. "Don't do that, Mila. Don't go there."
But she is anyway. I see it in her eyes.
"She's your daughter." She sniffles. "You can't choose me over her. I won't let you."
"I'm not―" Fuck. Is that what they think I'm doing? Choosing between them? Is that what has to happen here? I have to pick between the woman who owns me and the daughter who's been the center of my world since the day I met her? Is that what's expected of me? How do I make that choice? I can't. I fucking can't.