Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 86857 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86857 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
“Is it hard or strenuous to talk?”
“No. Just … sometimes I can’t find the right word. Or I say it wrong.”
“Can you walk up the stairs?”
I shake my head.
“Hungry?”
Another headshake.
Again, he scoops me up and takes me to his bedroom, leaving me on the end of the bed while he gets my bag and walker.
I rest my hands on the edge and glance around the room. It’s familiar. My mind goes straight to red dress woman. Has she been in this room? In this bed? Is it my business anymore?
Colten sets my walker next to the bed. Then he shrugs off his jacket and loosens his tie. I can’t force my gaze to his. I feel too weak.
Too vulnerable.
Too inadequate.
I think my plan backfired. I should have stayed dead.
“Hey …” He demands I look at him.
So I do, hoping I don’t start crying again.
“That woman?” He unbuttons his white dress shirt. “She’s a friend. That’s it.”
Pressing my lips together, I return a tiny nod, again letting my gaze slip to my lap.
When he emerges from his closet in a pair of jogging shorts, he turns on the TV, lifts my legs onto the bed, and fluffs the pillows before hooking his arm around my waist, spooning me to him.
I swallow hard. “I know you have questions.”
He kisses my head. “You already answered the only one that matters for tonight.”
I stretch my neck around to look at his face.
“You’re alive,” he says. “That’s all I need to know until tomorrow.”
My hand makes a slow ascent to his face, cupping his cheek. His eyes redden with more emotion while the pad of my thumb brushes his bottom lip.
He closes his eyes and leans into my touch. How did we get here?
I know, yet … I don’t think I will ever truly understand.
CHAPTER FORTY
“What am I missing?” Felix asks.
I glance around the setup in the storage shed. The “borrowed” medical equipment. Crash cart. Bed. Medications. I hope if he’s found out, being the son-in-law of the hospital administrator will help his case.
“Looks good.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not good. We need a vent.”
“I told you, no ventilator. If I can’t breathe on my own, you let me die. You know where to dispose of the body. Return everything, and pretend this didn’t happen.”
“Sure. Because I kill people on a daily basis. No big deal.”
“You’re a doctor. And you’re human. It’s probably not daily. I’d hope not. But you kill people,” I mumble. The visions. The voices. The burden of accountability has been multiplying with each passing day. I haven’t slept more than a few hours in the four days I’ve been at Felix’s.
Nightmares.
Waking up with a racing heart.
Cold sweats.
And then I see Colten. I imagine him looking at his daughter with her short hair. I see all his fears come to fruition. And … I start to hate myself even more.
“Josie?”
I shake my head, coming back to the present. “What?”
“I asked when we’re doing this. I’d like to go to prison before my wife gets home, so that she thinks I just left her.”
“You’re not going to prison. And I need you to record me.”
“I’m not recording this. No way.”
I shake my head. “Not you suffocating me. I need to tell myself a few things in case this works.”
“I’m not following.”
I pat my pockets. “I don’t have a phone. I destroyed it. We’ll use your phone.”
“We’ll use an old video recorder that used to belong to my parents.”
I frown. “Fine.”
An hour later, Felix has the video recorder dug out of his attic, and I’m perched on the borrowed hospital bed recording a message for my post-suffocated self.
“Hi, Josephine. If you’re watching this, then you’re alive. Give Felix a huge hug.”
Felix rolls his eyes while recording me.
“I hope you’re okay. I’m recording this because I don’t know what you’ll remember. If my plan works, you won’t remember why you had to die and be brought back to life. You had a near-death experience months ago. You remembered a previous life. And you might see news articles about you and claims about that previous life. Here’s all you need to know. You were having terrible visions and nightmares. You lost your job. You couldn’t sleep. Your life was miserable to the point that you didn’t want to be in this life most days. You were going to marry Colten, but you didn’t trust yourself. He has a daughter, and you never wanted to put him in a position to choose between being with you or being with her. I hope what I’m saying sounds unreal to you. I hope you can hear me but not feel it. I hope you’re detached from that life. That was the purpose.”
I think about what else I want to tell future me. I’ve got nothing. The chances of a future me is really slim. I nod to Felix to stop the video.