Total pages in book: 53
Estimated words: 52178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 261(@200wpm)___ 209(@250wpm)___ 174(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 52178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 261(@200wpm)___ 209(@250wpm)___ 174(@300wpm)
As if I don’t know that.
Dropping my head into my hands, I let out a frustrated sigh. “I am trying, I really am, but it just feels so wrong to me.”
“If you let yourself go, it won’t. You’re holding back.”
He’s right, I am.
Not entirely because of the fact that I can’t put my own twist on things, but because my fiancé is sending me over the edge. It’s not that he’s doing anything wrong, exactly, it’s that I feel like I’m in a room, spinning in circles, and nobody can catch me. Like I’m hollow, yet there is so much chaos, I can’t seem to find a safe place to sit. I know it isn’t right to feel that way, but it can’t be helped.
Carter is a good man—the wealthy, blue collar type—but he has no fire. Petty, I know, but his world is so black and white: he goes to work, he makes money, he comes home and provides for his future wife. He wants kids, a big home, and a family vacation once a year. That’s admirable, it really is, but outside of that, he is lacking the very thing that I crave—something that sets my heart on fire. A passion, a white-hot desire that has my fingers curling into the sheets each night.
Indeed, Carter is a good man, but I wonder if he’s my man.
My parents would never hear me say anything less. They think he hung the moon. It helps that he’s a multi-millionaire. His family is rich, he’s rich, and he boosts my parents’ already soaring stature in the world. He is good for the image. He’s good for everything we could have ever imagined for my future, but there is something missing. I know it, yet I find it hard to come up with a valid reason to push him from my life.
He's good to me.
He’s secure.
He’s kind.
On paper, he’s everything that a future husband should be.
So why do I find myself so damned empty?
“Ellie!”
Snapping out of my thoughts, I focus back on Roger. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just not feeling that good today. Can we pick up tomorrow?”
He studies me, his mouth pushed into a tight line as his eyes rake over my face. “Fine, but we are doing the show in a few nights, are you going to be ready for that at least?”
The local show that we put on every year. People love it, and we do a big performance for the town. Amongst this practice, I have been doing routines for that. I’m exhausted, but I know that if I stop, my mind will get the better of me. So, I don’t entirely mind having too much to focus on. It’s better than the alternative.
“I’m ready,” I tell him, pushing to my feet.
“You know I’m here if you ever need to talk.”
I step forward, wrapping my arms around Roger and hugging him tight. He is good to me, and I don’t know where I would be without him.
“Thank you.”
With that, I leave the studio, praying that Carter isn’t home when I arrive.
I just need one minute, just one, to breathe.
“MY GOD, YOU’RE SPECTACULAR!”
My dance friend, Sasha, rushes over when I walk off stage after an incredible performance and throws her arms around me. I’m coated in sweat, but it doesn’t seem to bother her at all. She squeezes me tight before stepping back, smiling huge. She is in the same classes as I am, so we’ve known each other for a long time.
I wouldn’t say we’re best friends, but we’re sure as hell close.
“It was pretty amazing,” I say, unable to stop the smile stretching across my face.
“Amazing, girl, I’ve never seen anyone that can dance quite like you. You’re a star.”
Coming from her. She’s pretty incredible herself.
“She’s right, you are.”
Turning, I see Carter approaching me with a huge smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He’s wearing a suit, crisp and grey, and his dark brown hair is neatly brushed atop his head. His hazel eyes flicker with pride as he strides toward me. The moment he reaches me, he leans down and captures me with one arm, pulling me close for a kiss. It’s soft and warm, like it always is.
Pulling back, I take the flowers and offer him a genuine smile. “Thanks, babe.”
“I’ll never tire of seeing you dance.”
“Me either.” Sasha nods in agreement. “Now, I hope you don’t mind me taking your fiancée out for a drink.”
Carter grins. “Have at it. I have to work early the morning anyway.”
We say our goodbyes, and Sasha waits for me to get changed. It has been too long since I have been out for a drink. I don’t tend to drink all that much since I am on such a strict eating and exercise plan. It takes a lot to keep my body strong for all the dancing I do, and alcohol certainly doesn’t agree with my physique.