Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Lucas drops his hands from his head and shoves them deep into his pocket, as if that move provides a security blanket. It keeps him removed…safe. I know all the body language signs because I do it myself. He doesn’t want to be hurt, and that breaks my heart. He’s shielding himself the way I did.
“Lucas,” I say as I tilt my head at him, and then I flounder. I don’t know what to say. I want him to be brave and to tell him to say fuck all my insecurities and take that leap of faith, but his name floats into silence and we just stare at each other.
Finally he coughs to clear his throat and says almost with embarrassment, “Look…I’m sorry I barged in here like this. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I am,” I say automatically, and it’s an absolute lie. It comes out involuntarily because I’m used to projecting to the world that I’m okay, even when I’m not.
He nods in understanding and gives me a small smile. “Good. That’s good.”
Again, we stare at each other, both submerged in awkward silence that feels as thick as mud.
“Well, I’m going to get out of your hair,” he says hesitantly, but then adds, “unless you need anything.”
I can only shake my head, my throat completely constricted in fear that he’s getting ready to walk out my door again. This time on a polite note, which somehow seems worse because apathy is ten times the devil that anger is.
“Okay,” he says softly, then turns toward the door. I want to call him back, but my body won’t move and I’m not sure even a squeak of distress could escape.
Luc’s hand grabs the door knob and I scream inside of my head for him not to go. I’m pathetically weak that I can’t voice my needs to him, but Lucas already told me that’s what I was.
He was so fucking right.
Tears well up in my eyes, and just as the door starts to open and my heart starts to splinter down the middle so painfully it obliterates the pain in my wrist and head, Luc growls and spins on me. His face is mottled with anger and his eyes are blazing as he snarls, “Fuck this shit. I’m not leaving. And we’re figuring our crap out right now. No, we’re fixing this crap right now. It’s time to put up or shut up, Stephy.”
I just blink at him in astonishment, even as my entire body almost sags in relief that he didn’t walk out that door.
In two strides, he’s standing in front of me with a fierce glare of determination.
“Cat got your tongue?” he says tauntingly, but it’s not menacing. It’s almost as if he’s daring me to tell him to shut up, but he knows I won’t. “Okay, I’ll start first. Here’s my put up or shut up. I’m in fucking so much love with you I can’t sleep at night. Half the time I don’t think I can breathe because I miss you so much. I don’t want to be friends with you, and I don’t want a casual fuck. I want you to let me love you. I want you to love me back equally. I want to go out and get a ring and put it on your finger with superglue so it doesn’t fucking come off ever. I want to put you into bed right now and curl myself around you until you recover from the accident. I want to talk with you into the wee hours of the morning for the rest of our lives because we have too much to say to each other to ever want to sleep. And, Stephy, I swear to fucking God…if you just tell me that you’ll try to give me those things even if ultimately you can’t, I’ll be happy with just that. My world will be made if you can just give me that much of you.”
Luc’s words are so dynamic, so impactful, they completely destroy me and then build me up like I’m fortified with steel. For the first time in my entire life, I feel empowered. I feel worthy.
I feel loved unconditionally.
“Oh God,” I practically moan as I lurch up from the armrest of the couch. I stumble toward Luc and whimper. “Oh God…just…Oh God.”
Luc’s face pales with fear and his arms come out hesitantly as I fall into them. “Stephy?”
“Oh God,” I say again, this time with complete self-loathing, and I know he hears it in my voice because his arms tighten securely around me. “What in the hell have I done?”
“Stephy,” he says, this time in admonishment.
I shake my head furiously. “You are the most amazing person in the entire world, and I was the fucking dumbass who was too stuck in my own stupid thoughts not to latch on to that.”