Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Yes. Luc makes me comfortable and I feel safe in this friendship we’ve developed so far. I never talk about my parents, and yet I did with him. Bottom line, I’ve got a level of trust in him. He knows what makes me the way I am and yet he still wants to get to know me as we embark on this pregnancy together.
I love how he’s standing at my apartment door and not entering until he asks the most important thing to him right now.
“I’m feeling great actually,” I say with a smile, then back away from the threshold so he can come in. “A pattern has been firmly established.”
He nods as he walks past me because he knows I’m talking about my morning sickness. While we haven’t seen each other for four days, we’ve kept in contact mostly via text, although there was one late-night call while he was in Florida this week that may have gotten a little too hot for both of us.
I continue as I shut the door and follow him into the living room. “So it seems it’s truly just morning sickness with me.”
“Every morning, right?” he asks.
Nodding, I watch as he sits on the couch and kicks his legs up onto it like he owns the place. I kind of like the way he’s so comfortable here. I never imagined I’d be the type of person to have someone over and have them kick their feet up into relaxation. “Lasts a few hours, just like on Sunday, then it’s gone and doesn’t come back until the next morning. And I don’t always throw up, which is good, because I hate throwing up at work.”
Everything I’d read about morning sickness said it could happen sporadically or consistently, but would usually go away by week sixteen. Since mine started, it’s been consistent, but I’m grateful it hasn’t lasted long.
Last Sunday, Luc observed me at my worst. Barfing my guts up, hairy legs, and rank breath. And he still hung around with me all day. In the early evening, after I’d showered, scrubbed my teeth for the fourth time, shaved my legs, and we were assured I wasn’t going to get sick again, Luc had his way with me in my bed and it was magnificent as always.
Everything about him is magnificent on a sexual level, but as I discuss my morning sickness with the father of the baby I’m carrying, I know he’s about more than that to me. That scares the shit out of me, as I still have my boundaries, but he’s slipped under my guard so seamlessly that I haven’t begrudged him his worry about the pregnancy.
“I thought you were bringing a pizza,” I say as it strikes me I don’t see a pizza.
“Thought we’d go out,” he replies casually.
My head jerks back and my brows furrow. “Excuse me?”
“Let’s go out to get something to eat?”
“Like a date?” I mumble.
Luc smirks at me. “We don’t have to call it that. We can just say it’s friends out for a pizza, or baby daddy feeding the baby mama. Whatever you want.”
I consider this and his casual attitude, and while yes, it’s been amusingly comfortable so far, it’s been that way because we agreed this was nothing but casual sex. We were taking advantage of a prime opportunity to have really amazing, phenomenal sex to capitalize on the chemistry between us. In my mind, going out to a restaurant to eat dinner together is a far cry from him bringing a pizza and having no-holds-barred dirty sex after, the pizza nothing more than fuel for stamina.
And this makes me feel unsettled. It makes me feel hopeful and excited about what’s beyond the horizon with him, and that scares the living daylights out of me. I’ve refused to be hopeful about any person in my life since about the age of six, and the fact that Luc is having a deep effect on me is dangerous. This threatens my walls, which sadly are crumbling around the edges.
Yes, I love being physical with Luc.
That’s a given. I crave this man, and that’s not going to change. I don’t want it to change, and in fact, the safest course for me would be to keep to our agreement and maintain this in a casual manner. I want him very much, yet I don’t want to want him in a way that’s necessary to me. I’ve never given that part of myself to anyone before. At this point, I’m not sure if my duality is from raging hormones or my past experience, but I’ve got to get things settled down to a level that’s comfortable for me. I know if I don’t do this, I’ll shut down and shut him out, and that’s not an option either.
So I decide to focus on exactly what I can have with him so we can return to what is working very well for the both of us. I walk to the couch, my hands gripping the material of the soft cotton skirt I’d put on with a T-shirt after I’d gotten home from work. I slide it up my thighs and get a tingling between my legs as Luc’s eyes darken with a desire for me and not dinner.