Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 68033 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68033 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm)
And then the words Walsh had heard his father say over and over at his mother’s deathbed rested on his lips. Silent at first and then approaching a whisper and then swelling to a moan that filled the cavernous chapel, the syllables melting from the heat of his pain until only he recognized the words. Aloud, it was the incoherent lament he’d heard from his father.
Lost, so lost. Please don’t go.
And then he was begging, begging a God he barely knew.
Don’t take her. Please, spare her.
It was not a song or a prayer or a tradition, but his original, personal pain that left him, even sitting erect, prostrate. Desperate.
He stood, mopping his wet cheeks without self-consciousness. He turned to leave, startled to see a dark-skinned woman leaning against the wall by the chapel entrance, her arms laid neatly behind her, hands pressed to the wall. He recognized her immediately from Cam’s Facebook pictures and posts. It had been Kerris’s birthday, and her happy face had been pressed against this woman’s. This was Mama Jess, the foster mother Kerris had told him so much about. Irrationally, Walsh wanted to hurl himself at her, throw his arms around her neck, and weep; he wanted to ask her to make it better. He cleared his throat, burning and raw from his sobs.
“Hi. Um…sorry about that.”
She didn’t respond, only continued watching, her eyes conducting a thorough, silent inquisition.
“I saw your interview,” she said, making Walsh blink his still-wet eyes a few times.
“Excuse me?”
“You were on TV last night. You’re Walsh Bennett, right?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He moved toward her, feeling like a toddler taking its first few wobbling steps, legs weak and new. “I’m…um a friend of Cam’s.”
“He could use one right about now. Their baby didn’t make it.”
“I heard.” He gulped back the liquid pain flooding his throat, refusing to show any more weakness than he already had.
“It was a girl.”
It was Walsh’s turn to remain silent, looking back at her, waiting and wanting more from this woman whom Kerris had rediscovered just in time.
“She’s out of surgery.” Mama Jess turned to walk away without another word. He had taken the first step after her, ready to demand more when his phone vibrated in his pocket.
“Meredith, what’s up?”
“She’s out.”
Walsh took a deep breath, experiencing a measure of peace he hadn’t realized he’d gained in the last ten minutes. He had lived his life getting his way, and forcing it when necessary. For once, he found the strength to hang back and follow the dictates of someone else.
“What do you want me to do?”
“What…um.” Meredith faltered. He figured she was unprepared for his docility. “I, well, I was going to suggest you wait until Cam goes home, and then I would get you in for a few minutes. Everything’s so complicated. I just don’t think him seeing you right now would help anything.”
“I can do that. When do you think he’ll leave?”
“Everyone’s trying to convince him to go home to get a little rest. He’s pretty messed up about the baby. Jo’s the only one he’s really tolerating. I think she’s gonna drive him home after he sees Kerris.”
“When will that be?”
“She hasn’t been out long. It’ll be another hour or so before he can see her. She’s still not breathing on her own.”
Walsh clenched his teeth until his jaw hurt. Kerris couldn’t manage something as essential as breathing on her own. He wanted to crawl into her chest and fill it with his own breath. He’d give her his last breath if he could.
“Have you slept? Eaten?” Meredith’s concern reached him even over the phone. “Where are you?”
“At the chapel. I have a few things I need to do.” Walsh ran a tired hand over the strained muscles in the back of his neck. “I left several loose ends in New York. I’m not going back until she’s out of the woods. So, not sure how long you’re gonna try to keep my presence here a secret from Cam, but it could get difficult.”
“I figured as much.” She gave the sigh of an old, weary woman. Mediating between him and Cam wouldn’t be easy. “But you haven’t seen him. When he found out the baby didn’t make it, he just collapsed. He’s just…I’ve never seen him like this.”
Walsh’s heart didn’t even contract. It was Cam’s recklessness that had put Kerris here, unable to even breathe on her own. If Walsh opened the door to sympathy, all the other emotions would come storming in, and he couldn’t promise that he’d be able to control the violent impulses those would expose. The rage, frustration, and bitterness. A lifetime of it never vented was barely held in check against the man who had been like a brother, but who right now felt like his mortal enemy.
Chapter Six
Walsh cast a furtive glance around the waiting room, searching for Meredith. He spotted her by the elevators. She was expecting him to climb off one of them at any moment, but he had taken the stairs.