Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 146392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 146392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
Maybe she should state this plainly. “We are not a couple.”
If that bothered him, he didn’t show it. He seemed to prefer staring down at her like he was memorizing the way she looked in this one moment. “Then what are we?”
“We’re Lou and TJ. We’re what we always are, always will be.”
His head shook, and he leaned over to brush a kiss over her forehead. “No. I was friends with the sweetest girl in the world, and I will admit to being the dumbass who worried we wouldn’t be compatible in the long run because you would need your intellectual equal, and we both know I’m not it. But you’ve held out on me. You’ve hidden a whole fucking lot of your personality from me.”
What did that mean? He was irritating her in a way that made her feel anxious. “Hidden? Are you talking about the fact that I can do my job?”
He seemed to consider what to say for a moment. His hips were nestled between her legs, reminding her of all the things he hadn’t done to her yet. “I’m talking about the fact that you put yourself in danger, and I don’t know that I like that. Except I did think you were hot when you blew that door. That did something for me. I don’t know. I’m all twisted and need some time to process, which is why we should lock the door and fuck for a really long time.”
She pushed at him again. “You can’t do this to me. You don’t get to play with me that way.”
His gaze turned slightly savage, an expression she’d never seen on his face before. “I’m not playing. Look at me. I’m not playing games with you. I never would. It’s time. I knew what I was going to do even before you dropped into my lap like the best gift ever. I knew if I survived, I was going to try with you. I’ve spent so much of my life denying myself because I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I thought I couldn’t possibly give you what you need, but I was wrong. You do need me. Tell me if a single one of those men ever gave you a real orgasm.”
A flash of heat went through her because he was right. Sex up until now hadn’t been some amazing thing she couldn’t live without. It had become something to get through so she could get to the cuddling part. She didn’t want to cuddle up with TJ. She wanted to explore with him, and that was dangerous on so many levels. “That’s not what I build a relationship on.”
“And, as my uncle would say, that is why you fail.” He stared down at her for a moment, his expression going serious. “I know I’ve given you reason in the past to think I didn’t have romantic feelings for you, but that’s bullshit. I wanted you to have the life a person like you is supposed to have.”
Yes, this had been one of his arguments, too. She needed to be locked away in the academic equivalent of a white castle where she would dance around in that magical world and solve math puzzles all day. It was what everyone expected her to do. “And what is that?”
“You were supposed to get your doctorate and grab a place at a university and live in that world where you would be safe and protected and you would find someone as smart as you are and live this charmed life. There wasn’t a place for me in that life.”
It was what she’d told him she wanted, what she had wanted for the longest time. Maybe right up until the moment Kala had shown up in her office and offered her the Agency gig.
Would there have been a place for him in that life? Or would he have gotten as ground down as she would have if she’d followed him and become his sweet Army wife, setting up a home wherever they landed.
It was a good life for a lot of people, but she’d always known it wasn’t for her. She’d never once offered to follow TJ. She had been willing to let him follow her.
Had she been willing to do to him what men had done to women for generations? To set him up in a little house and expect him to worship her while she got to have the career of her dreams?
The thought caught in her brain, but she shoved it to the side to examine later while TJ kept talking.
“But now I know you walk around with weapons and play fast and loose with your safety, and there’s damn straight a place for me in that life. I was willing to let you go for your own good, but you’ve made that impossible now.”