Total pages in book: 117
Estimated words: 109286 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109286 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
“Da, I am too.” He lifts a bottle of vodka. “But what will you do now?”
“Don’t know, man. Have any advice for me?” It’s a joke, a reference to when Nick asked me dating advice when he was stalking Daisy. But Nick doesn’t know how to joke, so he gives it some serious thought—which he washes down with a quarter of the vodka.
“It is easier to decide whether to pull the trigger or use a garrote to take down a mark than know what will bring happiness in the future,” Nick finally declares.
“I know Regan makes me happy. I’m going to stick with that. For now, though, why don’t you let me take a look at some of your honey-do list.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
REGAN
Now that we’re back in Minneapolis, I have a laundry list of things to do. I go to the doctor and get a birth control shot so Daniel and I can continue to have gloriously, deliciously intense sex. I also get checked for diseases again, because I’m paranoid. I turn up clean of everything, including pregnancy. I’m actually a little sad about that, but now’s not the time to start a family.
I also sign up for counseling because I still have panic attacks when Daniel leaves the room for any length of time, and I still have nightmares. I know I’m not totally right in the head. The psychologist understands, though, and she’s supportive. Daniel goes with me to counseling, and it’s good. It’s a step in the right direction.
I want to go back to college and jump right back into my career path, but the psychologist doesn’t think it’s a good idea, and I’m surprised when Daniel agrees. They want me to take time off and get used to normal again. Normal without so many people, that is, since people still make me anxious. It’s weird to think about, but I try to submerge myself back into “normal.” I watch a lot of horror movies with Daniel, and we paint our apartment for something to do.
I visit my parents, and it’s as tear-filled and awkward as I thought it would be.
I don’t tell them that I’ve spent two months on my back in a brothel. I think that would break them almost as much as it came close to breaking me. We come up with a lame cover story instead. I took an impromptu vacation with my roomie Daisy to Cancun, hit my head while cliff diving, and Daisy thought I’d drowned. I woke up in a hospital with amnesia and just now got better. And Daniel was in the bed next to me with a tropical disease, and we fell in love.
It’s all very Days of Our Lives, and I’m not entirely sure they buy it, but it’s a nicer story than the truth.
Nevertheless, they’re concerned for my health now. They want me to come home for good. I can’t, though. I’m not their little girl anymore. We stay with them for a few days, but it makes me restless. It’s clear that they don’t understand, nor do they understand why Daniel needs to clear a room before I go in because it makes me feel safer.
Daisy’s my new best friend and always at my side. When Daniel and Nick are busy working on the apartment building, Daisy goes shopping with me or runs errands with me or whatever needs to be done. I’m not alone for a second, and it makes me feel safer. I don’t know if Daniel’s asked her to be my shadow or if she senses that I’m scared of being abandoned, but I appreciate it either way. Her attentiveness has gone a long way to resolving the festering resentment I’ve been harboring against her.
And one day, I get a wild hair up my ass to go and visit Mike and Becca. I don’t bring Daniel; I’m half afraid that he would shoot Mike because he can’t stand him for being, well, Mike. For being selfish and self-absorbed and hooking up with my best friend. I don’t think it’s Mike’s fault as much as it is mine, though. I went along with everything before. That’s not me anymore.
I do take Daisy with me, though, because I don’t like to go anywhere alone. We pull up to Mike’s apartment building, and it’s one I’m intimately familiar with. How many times did I drive over after a football game for a quick fuck and cuddle because Mike wanted to get laid? How was I ever okay with that?
“You sure you want to do this?” Daisy asks me for the hundredth time as we walk into the building and head for the elevator.
“I’m sure,” I tell her. “Mike deserves closure, too, don’t you think?”
“I suppose,” Daisy says, and she looks troubled. She’s a good friend. I squeeze her hand to let her know it’s okay, and we head up to the fifth floor, where Mike has lived for the past few years.