Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 105665 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 528(@200wpm)___ 423(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105665 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 528(@200wpm)___ 423(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)
More tears escaped. “And when G carried me upstairs and tended to my wounds … when she told me one-eared bunnies still hop …” Jersey’s voice cracked. “When she picked up that baseball bat after … Mr. … Mr. Fisher crossed the final line, when he took my virginity.” A sob escaped, and Jersey covered her mouth to catch it. “That was love.”
“Jersey …”
She held out her hand to keep him from coming closer and shook her head. “You not talking to me was not love. Why did you think it was okay for you to know my secrets but not okay for me to know yours?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I was ashamed of what I did to him. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t going to bring Charles and Dena back.”
“Ashamed?” She jerked her head back. “You tried to kill him. I did kill him. What does that say about me?”
“You killed him to save my life.”
She laughed as pain bubbled to the surface. Making things right for Karma was a lot harder than she expected. “I was so fucking close to killing you because I thought you killed Dena and Charles.”
“Not the same, Jersey!” Ian ran his fingers through his hair, tugging it a bit. “I stumbled into your life. You didn’t hunt me down. And you wanted to kill me for more than just them. You wanted to kill me because you thought I stole your life, your future.” Ian laced his fingers behind his head and looked up at the sky. “I had everything. No one stole my future. I hunted a man down and lit him on fire. And unlike you, I didn’t have a single emotion that played in my conscience. Not a moment’s hesitation. Not one unshed tear.”
“I let you into my life—into my bed—just to kill you.”
He shrugged. “Kessler was my friend. I knew his parents, and they were kind to me. He was fucked up on drugs. I had the means to get him help, but I didn’t. I set. Him. On. Fire.” Anguish grew in his eyes. She could see it when the glow of the city lights reflected off his face.
“You should have told me.” Jersey shook her head.
Ian gazed out over the city. “It was a lie. Until I told you the truth, it felt like a lie. So I didn’t want to tell you—make it real, make it true. I just wanted it to go away. I’ve spent so much time trying to make my past just … go away. I wanted to be the one thing in your life that wasn’t terrible. So I kept you. And I waited for …” He shook his head. “I don’t even know.”
“You waited too long,” she whispered.
“I know. I lost you. I lost you to the arms of another man.”
“You didn’t lose me.” Her tone gained momentum as anger nipped at her. “You gave me up. You were going to send me back to Newark. I told you what would happen if you left that night. I begged you to stay. I begged you to love me.”
“I did love you!” He held his arms out to the side for several seconds before letting them flop to his sides.
“You wouldn’t kiss me.” She fisted her hands.
“You fucked another man, Jersey.”
“You wouldn’t kiss me.” Her voice remained steady in spite of the pain and anger just beneath the surface, desperate to be heard, to be felt.
“It’s not the same,” he said slowly through gritted teeth.
“It’s more,” she whispered as hot tears escaped her burning eyes. “When we kiss … that’s love. I didn’t let that other man kiss me.” She shook her head as her lips trembled. “Why … why wouldn’t you kiss me? L-love me? Why wouldn’t you just love me?” A sob ripped past her throat.
Ian stepped closer, his hand inching toward her face. When his thumb brushed along her tear-stained cheek, she leaned into his touch. He took another step until there were no more steps to take. “I should have told you. I’m sorry.”
Her body shook as she tried to swallow back the flood of pain.
“I shouldn’t have left that night. I’m sorry.”
She forced her gaze up to his, blinking out more tears. His thumb brushed down her cheek and traced her trembling lips.
He blinked, eyes wet with emotion. “I should have kissed you. I’m sorry,” he whispered each word as if something in his chest tried to suffocate them.
They were raw, real, and painful to hear.
“I looked for you. Shane looked for you.”
She nodded slowly.
“Ian Cooper would come for you … He’d give you the kidney.”
“A part of me has been searching for you for sixteen years.”
“Coop …” Jersey rested her hand over his hand cupping her face. She guided his fingers over her lips, closing her eyes. Her heart beat so fast; she felt certain it took flight. And that fluttering feeling in her tummy returned, so much stronger than before. Every cell of her body felt alive.