Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 92930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 465(@200wpm)___ 372(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 465(@200wpm)___ 372(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
I just kept staring at it. At her. I pressed down on the photo and saved it to my camera roll. My phone buzzed.
Nina: No comment?
Jake: I’m still looking at it.
Nina: Oh.
Jake: You look incredible.
Nina: Thank you.
Jake: I almost wish I didn’t ask to see it.
Nina: What are you doing tonight?
She changed the subject, causing me to wonder if I’d made her uncomfortable.
Jake: Staying in. My family pigged out on Chinese food earlier. I’ll stay up to watch the ball drop then go to bed sometime after.
Nina: You’re not going out? With anyone?
Jake: No.
Dread set in as I stared at her question again, realizing that she likely wasn’t just referring to tonight. What she probably wanted to know was whether there was another woman in my life. After all this time, I’d never made it crystal clear to her one way or the other. Of course, there was someone else but not in the way she might have wondered.
Nina: Does whatever you have to tell me involve someone else?
I was shitting a brick.
The Chinese food seemed like a really bad idea as nausea suddenly consumed me. Refusing to tell her about Ivy over the phone, I froze, not knowing how to address her question. That talk needed to be done delicately and in person so that I could look her in the eyes and assure her of my intentions.
I typed.
Jake: Not in the way you might think.
I closed my eyes, so disappointed in myself for letting this situation go on for as long as it had.
The phone vibrated.
Nina: Do you have a child?
My response was immediate.
Jake: No
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
The wheels had clearly been turning, probably for months as she played private investigator in her head while trying to figure out my deal. My heartbeat accelerated as I took the phone upstairs, closing the door for privacy then locking it.
I dialed her.
It rang once before she answered right away. “Hello?” Her voice was groggy. It sounded like she was congested.
“Are you crying?” I asked.
“No.”
My tone was stern. “Don’t lie to me.”
“Yes,” she said softly.
“Listen to me, Nina. We do need to talk, but it’s something I was really hoping to discuss with you in person. This is all my fault for being afraid to open up to you for so long. But here’s what cannot wait a second longer: You absolutely need to know right now that you are the only person in this world that has my heart, and nothing that I have to tell you will change that.”
It was as if what I’d just said went in one ear and out the other when she asked, “Is someone sick or dying?”
“No…no, nothing like that. It’s a complex situation, and I’m not sure how you’re going to view it. If you insist that I tell you tonight, we’ll have the talk now, but I’d really appreciate the opportunity to do it face to face when you come home next week.”
“I’m sorry, Jake. I just…it’s been so hard. My imagination has been running wild for a long time. I’m scared I’m going to lose you.”
She was scared. I remembered Cedric’s words and took her fear as a sign that she really did love me.
I love you, too, baby. I just can’t say it yet.
“Don’t be scared. You won’t lose me. I’ll always be your friend and more if you’ll have me. Please trust that as long as you want me to be around, I will be.”
She sniffled. “Okay, I’m going to trust you on this, and you’re right. We shouldn’t be discussing anything important over the phone.”
“Thank you. I’m glad you agree.”
“I’d come home early, but my mother arranged for a memorial service for Jimmy at the church the Friday evening before I leave.”
“It’s only one more week. It’ll fly by.”
I stared at the ceiling and listened to the faint sounds outside my foggy window. Holiday revelers must have been entering and exiting the trolley that ran down Beacon Street. Many were probably headed to the First Night celebration downtown.
Nina and I remained quiet until I was the first to speak again. “I’m sorry if I ruined your night.”
“My night isn’t ruined, but I’m definitely not in the mood to go out anymore.”
“Good. Don’t. Stay on the phone with me. My family is downstairs, but despite that, I was feeling really alone tonight for some reason—until now. You’re the only person I want to ring in the New Year with.”
“I’d like that.”
“You said you’re not in the mood to go out. What are you in the mood for? Tell me.”
“What am I in the mood for? Are you trying to have phone sex with me or something?”
“I wasn’t.” I snickered. “But if I were, your calling me out on it just now would’ve ruined it.”
“Sorry.”
“No apologies needed, because I wasn’t trying to have phone sex.”