Total pages in book: 247
Estimated words: 234281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1171(@200wpm)___ 937(@250wpm)___ 781(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 234281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1171(@200wpm)___ 937(@250wpm)___ 781(@300wpm)
And when all she had gotten was silence, she had started stammering nervously. I just thought, since you were okay with me telling Magnolia and Amine about you, it would be okay for me to tell Katya...
She had waited and waited, and in the end, the professor had said quietly, If that's what you think is best.
The conversation had haunted her throughout the day, to the point that she had almost succumbed to calling their couples’ therapist just so she could ask what the big deal was. Katya was a big part of her life, and didn't she owe the truth to her best friend? Shouldn't Katya be given a choice about whether or not she still wanted to be in Diana's life, once she knew of Matthijs' condition?
She had gone as far as calling the therapist's office number, but the moment it started ringing on the other line, she had found herself ending the call, cold and shaking in the backseat of the professor's car and unable to get rid of the feeling that she had almost betrayed him.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
She had a sudden, desperate urge to say the words, and it had her rushing back home. And when she found him alone in their bedroom, the dull look in his eyes had her falling to her knees in front of him.
I'm sorry. She had no idea what she was apologizing for; she only knew that she had done something wrong, and she had hurt him. I'm so, so sorry.
Are you ashamed of me?
And she had started to cry. No. Of course not.
Because it's alright if you are.
The words had her crying harder. I'm not ashamed. I swear. But when she had tried reaching for his hands, he had shaken his head, and she could only cry, seeing that refusing her touch had hurt him just as much.
I'm so sorry, she had whispered.
There's a reason why there isn't any law that requires full and immediate disclosure of my condition. The only way I can kill someone is when I have my dick in that person's hole, and I've stopped taking medications.
And when he looked at her, the bleakness was back in his eyes, and this time it was because of her.
It will never work if being with me makes you feel guilty and you have the constant need to tell everyone what I have. I won't stop loving you for it, but I wouldn't be able to bear it either, knowing how I make you feel—-
She had cut him off by throwing herself in his arms. Had cut him off because it was then she had finally understood, just what this very special man meant, when he had told her 'I love you.'
That night, she had loved him with all she had, using her mouth and her hands to beg for his forgiveness and ask for another chance. And after, with Matthijs sleeping beside her, his arms around her, she had let the tears fall as she prayed.
Please God. Please Saint M. Please.
She prayed that the time would never come and he might think he had to push her away again.
She prayed that the time would never come and she would be so weak as to leave him.
She prayed and prayed, prayed for everything that had to do with her failings.
But not once did she remember to pray that the day would never come...and it would be her love for him that would spell their end, and she would find herself leaving, not because of him, but for him.
Him
THE PROFESSOR WAS NO sentimental fool.
For every cause of joy, there would be pain. It had always been this way, and he knew his life would be no exception, not even when he had his own beautiful saint to love. For every day in his life that she changed, for every day that she made good and happy, he knew there would be a corresponding effect, that one day life would inevitably come to collect.
He knew this.
He believed in this.
But such was the power of love that he refused to let this govern him.
He loved her, and she him, and he began to live according to these two principles. His work, his attitude towards other people, virtually every aspect of his life reflected the changes loving Diana wrought in him, and the results were as he expected.
He had colleagues ridiculing him, saying that whereas his essays once delivered great insights, they were now nothing but a disastrous mix of spiritual gibberish and emotional rubbish.
Professor Matthijs de Graaf has clearly lost it, one peer scathingly wrote in his review, to even dare think we would let him get away with quoting the bible in a scientific journal.
A number of invitations had also been rescinded ever since knowledge of his relationship with Diana came about, some of them politely worded while a few had been openly malignant and bordered on libel.