Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 147021 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 735(@200wpm)___ 588(@250wpm)___ 490(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147021 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 735(@200wpm)___ 588(@250wpm)___ 490(@300wpm)
He gives me a pained look and motions between us. “But there’s nothing going on here, either.”
I see the lie on his face. That’s the worst part of this whole thing. We know each other so well. Maybe too well. His denial makes it feel like he reached inside my chest and ripped my heart right out of it. I’m confused, and hurt, and angry, because it’s abundantly clear that there is something going on here. Maybe he doesn’t want there to be, but I feel the weight of attraction every time we’re alone together lately. I felt it when I admitted what I’d done in his bed while he was away, and again last week when I checked on him after his concussion. And I feel it now.
“What did you mean when you said ‘if things were different’?”
His jaw tightens. “Don’t go there, Princess.”
I hate that he’s paired my favorite nickname with a command. If he’s going to accuse me of being a button-pusher, I’ll do my best to push his damn buttons. “You’re the one who said it. I’m just asking for clarification.”
He runs a rough hand through his hair. “Your dad is my best friend and teammate.”
Light shines on that ridiculous bud of hope. “What if he wasn’t?”
“You’re still in university.”
“For a few more months.” Arguing this makes me feel stupid and pathetic, but I want confirmation that I’m not alone here, that I’m not imagining this new tension between us.
“You’re twenty years old with everything ahead of you.” His voice is low, gritty, but the words sound rehearsed, like a mantra he keeps repeating.
“And yet you’re still dreaming about me.” The words are out before I can call them back.
His eyes flare. “How the fuck do you—”
His expression shutters, and I know I’ve pushed the wrong button. I open my mouth to apologize, but he cuts me off. “I’m not playing this game with you. I’m sorry if you took what I said the wrong way, but whatever idea you have—” He motions between us. “—this isn’t happening. Ever. The sooner you come to terms with that, the easier it’ll be for both of us.”
The humiliation is swift and cutting. My chest feels like it’s caving in. I need to keep it together, but tears prick my eyes, and my chin trembles. “Got it.” My voice cracks.
“Please don’t cry.” He steps closer, and his hand appears in my peripheral vision and for the briefest moment his fingers connect with the edge of my jaw. I want to lean into the touch, but it’s for all the wrong reasons, especially with what he says next. “You have to know how impossible this is.”
“Don’t.” I knock his hand away. “Don’t placate me.”
He looks so torn, like this whole conversation pains him.
I can’t handle it. Not my own feelings, not his unwillingness to admit his exist, not legitimate reasons why this can’t and won’t work. “You’re right, there’s nothing. This is nothing.” I wave a dismissive hand toward him.
“Listen, that’s not—”
“You should definitely give Scarlet another shot. It’s obvious she’s still interested.” If he’s with someone else, maybe I’ll stop wanting him. “You two make sense.” And they would. They’re evenly matched. Her world experience is far more extensive than mine. Still, saying it out loud makes me want to vomit. “Anyway, you should go.”
He stands there a few more long seconds before he sighs and drops the fob on the counter. “I care about you,” he says softly.
Hearing that makes it so much worse. He’s mollifying, letting me down easy. Telling me without saying the words that whatever my feelings are, his don’t match. It’s the rejection I always knew would be there, but never wanted to hear. “Please, just go.” I tip my head back and will my tears not to fall.
Thankfully, Rix bursts through the door. “Girl, I think Tristan legit just broke my vag—oh, hi, Hollis.”
“Hi, Rix.”
“Tris and Roman are waiting for you and Flip in the lobby.” She thumbs over her shoulder, her gaze moving between us.
“I’m on my way down now.” He turns to me. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Yup.” I force a smile.
Rix waits until he’s gone before she whispers, “That seemed tense.”
“I need ice cream. And girl time,” I blurt. And promptly burst into tears.
Rix wraps her arms around me. “What the hell just happened?”
“Nothing. I’m getting my period.”
“Don’t be a liar-face. You had your period last week.” She pulls back, and her expression is all empathy.
It just makes me cry harder.
CHAPTER 8
HAMMER
“Who needs a top up on their drink?” I bring a fresh bottle of prosecco into the living room, along with another of sparkling grape.
A chorus of me’s follows.
I make a circuit around the room, filling glasses with the appropriate drink. Hemi, Tally, Shilpa, Rix, and Dred are over to watch tonight’s game. It’s a good break from all the angst up in my head.