Total pages in book: 56
Estimated words: 54148 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 271(@200wpm)___ 217(@250wpm)___ 180(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 54148 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 271(@200wpm)___ 217(@250wpm)___ 180(@300wpm)
Her wide eyes meet mine as she works my pants down over my ass. The tent in my boxer briefs looks almost comically large this close to her face.
“Wow.” She presses her cheek to my bulge, then touches her lips to the damp pre-cum stain.
“Fuck...” I should walk away, but all I can do is gaze down at her in amazement as my attention contracts until it’s centered in my groin.
“A blow job is the least I can do for you,” she says, smiling. She slides her finger into the waistband of my boxer briefs. “To thank you for your kindness.”
At the back of my mind, an alarm bell sounds like a siren on a clear, cold night.
I lay my hand over hers.
“What kindness is that?”
“For driving me here and letting me stay over. Plus, you’ll have to drive me back home tomorrow.” She kisses the back of my palm. “I just want you to know how much I appreciate it.”
Once again, I recall her words from earlier this evening. It’s not a favor if there’s a clear exchange.
My hand tightens around hers.
“Stop, McKenzie.”
Her brow knits in confusion. “Why?”
Maybe she thinks she’s being cute, and she really does want to sleep with me. But until I know for sure that she’s not just offering to give me head out of a sense of obligation, I can’t let her do this.
I pull my pants up and then sit down on the bed.
“Kenz, you know you don’t owe me anything for letting you stay here, right?” I wait for her to roll her eyes and say she was only kidding. But she just stares at me, blinking.
“Of course not,” she says quickly, but it comes out sounding far too much like a question.
Something noxious coils in the pit of my stomach like smog, casting shadows over the events of the night. I should have taken her back to Cal and Holly’s house, not here. I should not have kissed her, or told her that I wanted to sleep with her, and I sure as fuck shouldn’t have sat by and watched her masturbate in my truck.
For all I know, she only did that because she thought I expected her to, the way I confessed my desire as a way to get her to come home with me. I took her arousal and enthusiasm as a sign that she shared my feelings.
But what if she doesn’t? Now that I think about it, she never actually said she wanted to be with me.
What the fuck have I done?
As painful as it is to push her away, I do it.
I let go of her hand and stand up.
“I’m going to sleep downstairs tonight,” I tell her. One right decision after a long string of wrong ones isn’t going to make up for the damage I’ve done. But it’s a start. “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”
“But you said you wanted me.” Confusion and betrayal vie for real estate across her face.
I sigh the sigh to end all fucking sighs.
“I know what I said, McKenzie, but it doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t be thanking me like that for being nice to you.”
She pulls the blanket up to her chest.
“Thanking you like what?”
“With your body. I don’t want it and I don’t want you to feel like you have to give it to me.”
“Oh...” Her lip trembles.
Hurt spreads across her face and realize I’ve jammed my foot in it yet again.
“Fuck, Kenz, I didn’t mean—”
“I get it, Austin,” she snaps. “You don’t want me. You never did. And this whole thing was just a manipulation tactic to stop me from going home with Jeremy.”
“That is not what this is. Not entirely.”
“You know, this concerned-dad routine is almost as old as you are. You can’t keep coming to my rescue.”
“McKenzie—”
“Just go, Austin.” She flops down on her side, away from me. “That’s what you want to do anyway.”
It’s not what I want to do. Not by a mile. But if I lie down beside her and she touches me again, I won’t have it in me to refuse her. I’ll have to take that quivering lip between my teeth and suck on it ‘til it’s as pink and swollen as it would be after sucking my dick.
“I’m sorry, Kenz.”
She doesn’t respond.
I don’t know how I do it, but somehow, I leave the room.
5
mckenzie
There’s a knife sticking out of my head. I can’t find the handle, but I’m convinced it’s there, jammed between my eyebrows. I press my palm to the center of my forehead and blink against the light.
I’m in Austin’s bedroom. That much I know.
The rest is fuzzy at first, but it doesn’t take long for the events of last night to descend on me like a zombie horde.
The bite of tequila. Jeremy’s cockeyed smirk. My argument with Austin at the bar, and my insistence that I didn’t want his help—mostly because I felt guilty for wanting it.