Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 76232 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 381(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76232 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 381(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
Everything had changed. The home that had once seemed to burst with joyous chaos was almost unbearably quiet. Her parents had had the noisy, messy kind of love that never let you doubt it was real because you could feel it. It had been in the unembarrassed kisses in the kitchen, the bear hugs, the little gifts they’d get for each other. Even the way they’d argued about who’d had the car keys last, if Mom had snuck vegetables into the spaghetti sauce, whether Harrison Ford’s most iconic performance was Han Solo or Indiana Jones—it had been full of passion. Kate had always thought she wanted that for herself. Her parents were the very definition of all in—they’d given everything to one another.
But she was seeing another side of that now—the dark side.
Because when you gave everything to someone else, and then it was taken away, what were you left with?
“If this is home, why do I feel like you’re kicking me out?”
“You know your father would be so pleased that you kept me company those first couple days. I don’t know that I’d have had the strength to get up without knowing you would be there to have those first sips of coffee with.”
“And yet still with the kicking me out part . . . ?” Kate said with a smile.
“Your dad would be pleased to know you were by my side those first few days,” Eileen repeated. “And appalled to know you’re still here.”
Kate’s mouth dropped open. “Mom!”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I love you, I love your company, but it’s been almost three weeks.”
“He was my dad. Your husband. I think we’re allowed for the mourning process to last longer than three weeks.”
“The mourning process, yes. The avoidance process, no.”
Kate tugged her hand away from her mom’s, feeling defensive. “Meaning what?”
“We’ve both been avoiding getting back to our real lives, because we know life is irrevocably changed, but it’s not going to get any easier the longer we wait. It’s time for me to start figuring out what my life will look like without my partner. And long-term, that’s not my daughter living in her childhood bedroom. I don’t want that for you, and neither would Dad.”
“But—”
“You can of course take a couple more days if you need.” Her mom reached out and retrieved Kate’s hand once more. “Take a week. I never want you to feel unwelcome, but I wouldn’t be doing a good job as your mother if I didn’t nudge you out of the nest.”
Kate smiled. “You know, I’ve been thinking that I would eventually need to have this talk with you, to gently tell you that your life will still go on, just differently. But it sounds like you’re wiser than I am.”
“Age does that to women.” Eileen smiled. “Not that I’m saying any of this will be easy. I’m not going to pretend I don’t feel completely shattered inside, but I loved that man and everything we built far too much to dishonor it by becoming a hermit who can’t even get her roots done.”
“You’re right. Dad would hate knowing you let those grays show. I mean, surely he still believed you’re a natural brunette?”
Eileen swatted her shoulder. “Darn straight he did. Now about you . . .”
“Also a natural brunette. No grays . . . yet.”
Her mom was watching her closely and clearly knew she was dodging. “Kate.”
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Well, no. I mean, I miss Dad. I still can’t believe he’s not here. That’s normal, though.”
“It is,” Eileen said slowly. “Have you spoken to that man you were seeing?”
“Jack? No, we broke up.”
“Oh.” Her mother’s disappointment was clear. “I so hoped that when you returned to the city, you’d have someone to lean on.”
Kate patted her mom’s arm. “It’s like you said: I have really great friends.”
“Not what I meant, and you know it.”
Kate did know it. She knew that her mother was hoping she’d have a man to return to, a romantic partner to help her through the grieving process. A month ago, Kate might have had that same thought.
But that was before Kate had had her naive vision of the perfect type of relationship turned upside down. It stung a little to realize that all of this time, it had been Kennedy who’d had the right approach to relationships after all. Caution was better. Holding back was better.
Love at first sight didn’t guarantee you happily ever after. She knew that now. Just like she knew now that giving all of yourself to another person was foolish.
Because when they left, they’d take everything with them.
20
Monday, May 13
Her first day back at work, Kate arrived at 7:59 a.m. and not a minute before. A far cry from her default of beating the guys into the office so she could get a head start on email and the necessary calendar updates that cropped up in the wee hours of the morning as various Wall Street big shots closed down bars and realized their chances of making it to a nine a.m. meeting were slim.