Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 75474 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 377(@200wpm)___ 302(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75474 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 377(@200wpm)___ 302(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
“You’re the smartest motherfucker I know and the blindest.”
The thought of her leaving makes me uneasy. And since I won’t abide feeling that way anymore, I need to convince her to stay once we get back to the city. Whatever it takes. Even if I have to dream up ways to pay her.
I glance over and watch him staring blindly at the bottom of his glass like he’s waiting for someone to give him a break from the pain of missing Laine.
“You think you’ve hit a wall, but you’re only in a corner, brother,” he continues, “Life is sending you in another direction. All you have to do is open your eyes and feel your way out of there.”
Wise words for a man who seems to be stuck in his own personal hell. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that he may be onto something, though.
I’ve never planned ahead, never saw the need to. When you’re a kid with cancer, you learn very quickly to live day by day, to not set impossible goals. There’s so much misery, so much at stake with every doctor’s visit, with every test you take, that you dare not risk anymore disappointment.
In a way it’s a blessing and a curse. It forces you to live in the moment, to appreciate every single one. The downside is that you develop a blind spot for the future in fear that future may never come.
Maybe that’s why I fell so hard for Lainey. I was a scared, lonely kid, sick and isolated at an age where I was beginning to figure out who I was. Then a beautiful girl with an easy smile came along and she understood me, knew my pain, and suddenly I wasn’t alone anymore. Despite our circumstances, she gave me hope and without hope nothing else matters.
I would’ve done anything to take her away from Eli back then. He was the enemy standing in my way.
“Why don’t you take your own advice. You have a daughter who needs you.”
“If Laine––”
“Lainey would kick your ass if she saw you like this.”
He nods. “You’re right. I know…” The blank look on his face worries me. He slipped in and out of it all day like he’s hiding from me. “What about Riley?”
For a long list of reasons, I can’t talk about Riley with him. With anyone. And at the top of that list would be that I’m still trying to figure it out myself. Feelings too strong to be safe, a need so powerful it scares the living daylights out of me.
“What about her?”
“I see the way you look at her.”
“It’s just a distraction.”
The words leave a bad taste in my mouth. They’re wrong in every way.
“A distraction?” He shakes his head. “I know you better than anyone––” Catching himself, he pauses. Lainey knew me better than anyone. I love Eli but Lainey understood me in ways he never could or will.
If life has taught me nothing else, it’s that misery brings people together like nothing else can, and what Lainey and I experienced can’t be manufactured. The day we met irrevocably changed both of us.
“Don’t kid yourself. There’s more to it than that.”
“I’m a bad bet, and she knows it.”
Both painful and true. Riley could do so much better than me, someone who can guarantee her a future. Someone who won’t leave her a shell of a person, a bad copy of her former self. Like what’s left of Eli. Sparing her the heartache would be the noble thing to do.
Eli’s attention returns to the game. He swallows the last of his drink.
“Then convince her otherwise. Take it from me, buddy, you may not get another chance at happiness.”
The thing about me…I’ve never been noble.
Riley
With blood rushing in my ears, I back away from the open door to the family room and sneak out of the house. After the distraction remark, I wasn’t about to stick around to hear more––like my character being dragged through the mud.
Distraction? I’m a distraction? Great. Good. I’m glad I found out before I declared my undying love. It’s just that…he’s looked so genuinely happy lately that I thought…forget it, I don’t know what I was thinking.
Back at the boat, I climb aboard and sit on the deck. The darkness beyond is so thick it’s essentially a black curtain, the perfect backdrop to my mood. The night chill makes me wrap my arms around my knees and rest my chin there. Which hands me the night’s second unpleasant surprise––the sweater I’m wearing smells of him.
Damn, it hurts.
The pain in my chest is so severe it feels like I walked into a buzz saw. It’s not like I expected declarations of love––we’re totally wrong for each other; I get it––but I didn’t expect him to be so…cold…so flippant about us.