Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 114211 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 571(@200wpm)___ 457(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114211 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 571(@200wpm)___ 457(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
“You’re playing the deadly ‘what if’ game,” I warn him.
“It ain’t deadly. I like playin’ it sometimes. Thinkin’ about how things could’ve been.”
“Better you didn’t meet me back then.”
He turns to look at me, breaking my hold on him. “What do you mean?”
The others burst into laughter in the kitchen again. I bite my lip, then nod at the door. “Wanna step outside with me? Maybe we can both use some fresh air.”
Anthony glances past me at the merry clique in the kitchen, then answers me by opening the door and seeing himself out. I go behind him, close the door, and follow him into the grass. It’s warm, but it’s a windy day, the trees dancing, the air feeling good and lively on our skin. The yard is sizeable with a small stone path that circles around to a few neatly-kept bushes and a family of funny-looking garden gnomes by the fence.
We stop under a tree. “What I mean,” I tell him, “is that I was fighting a few demons of my own these past several years.”
“Demons?” He snorts at that. “The hell kind of demons could a guy as put-together as you possibly have?”
“Demons from my dad.”
His eyes soften. “Your dick dad, huh?”
I give a solemn nod. “I went off to the Army shortly after he left, and I guess ghosts of his abuse followed me. I kept thinking he’d come back, and my mom would have a moment of weakness and accept him back, and the nightmare would start over. I didn’t want my brother to have to be the one to stand up to that drunken monster. Thoughts like that messed me up a lot. And some of the guys in my barracks, well, they weren’t all that sympathetic to me. Maybe I didn’t let them. I was too toughened up from dealing with my dad to appreciate anyone’s kindness. How Pete and I became friends, it’s still a mystery to me. Maybe he was just strong enough to tolerate how I was. Or patient enough. I think I may owe more to Pete for putting up with me than I’ve ever admitted to his face.” My hands find my pockets. I shrug. “I’m not sure I was all that nice a person to be around. I don’t think you would’ve liked me.”
Anthony leans back against the tree, appearing stirred by all of that. “Maybe I can say the same,” he mumbles half to himself. “I was a cocky little shit back in high school. I mean more than I still am now,” he adds as a joke, eyeing me. “I wouldn’t have wanted to be my friend or start anything with me. I needed time to grow up. I …” He sighs and casts his gaze to the grass. “Still need time. Some days, feels like I’ll never get my shit together.”
“You gotta have more faith in yourself, Anthony.”
“How can I? No one’s got faith in me. Not even my dad. He’s always been searching for pests his whole life, spraying trees and setting traps and sprinkling granules everywhere …” He stiffens up. “Should’ve looked closer to home. The pest is right here. Me. I’ve always been the pest.”
“You’re not a pest.”
“Yeah, I am.”
“And I have faith in you.” I take a step closer to him, then lift his chin with a finger, bringing his eyes to mine. “You hear that? I have faith in you.”
He stares deeply into my eyes, locked into me. I swear it takes so little sometimes, yet so much, to get through to him.
“Stay another week,” he says.
I lift my eyebrows.
“Stay,” he repeats. “I wanna keep goin’ on with this. Whatever it is, whatever this is. I want more of it.”
“So I can keep fucking you?” I ask dryly.
“You’re more than that n’ know it.” My finger is still under his chin. He takes it and brings my whole hand to the side of his face. “Keep doin’ this lovey-dovey shit I pretend to hate. Keep carin’ for me. It’s … somethin’ new I ain’t felt before.”
“Alright.”
“Alright? What’s that mean? ‘Alright’? You stayin’ longer?”
I chuckle, watching the near desperation playing over his face and charging up his bright blue eyes like an excitable puppy. “I’ll stay as long as I’m welcome.”
“Promise?”
His gooey-eyed optimism is almost too much. I decide to leave all the rest of either of our questions unasked and unanswered by going in for a kiss. Obviously it does the trick. Anthony melts into my face as his hands take hold of my sides, tugging on my shirt to bring our hips together. I’ll be honest, the fire is very much alive in my pants right now, and it takes an absurd amount of restraint for me to not just hump the shit out of him against this tree, likely in full view of everyone in the house.