Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 114211 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 571(@200wpm)___ 457(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114211 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 571(@200wpm)___ 457(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
He huffs. “But I like biting pillows.”
I distract him by pointing up with my free hand. “That the Big Dipper? See it? Right there?”
For a second, I think he’s just sulking next to me, refusing to answer. Then he squints and points, too. “You mean that?”
“Those stars. That one … that one … and that one, and then its tail. See them?”
“Oh. Yeah, I do.” He slowly drops his hand to his chest. “Kinda looks like our kite from last weekend.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, it does look like a kite.”
“A kite that’s way the fuck away, light years and shit.”
I smile. “Yep. Light years away.”
We draw quiet. Then he says, “That’s what it’s gonna feel like. Y’know. When you and Pete go.”
I turn my head slightly. “What?”
“You’re gonna be light years away. Kansas ain’t next door. Oz is fuckin’ closer to you than Spruce, and I don’t got no car.”
“Anthony …”
“I hate it.” He lets out a breath. “Everything in my life that’s … that’s good and worthwhile. My brief dream of being a vet. Stupid dream of tryin’ to join the Army like you did. My beautiful dog … My Jefferson. Nothing lasts. Everything just … just fuckin’ runs as far away from me as it can the second it gets good.”
I turn fully to him. “Anthony, it isn’t gonna be like that. I’m … I’m not just vanishing. We’ve got phones, y’know.”
“But when are you comin’ back? Are you even comin’ back? Or am I just gonna be the small-town fool you got to have fun with for a few weeks while you were here? A story you tell your real boyfriend someday—a hot Kansas guy who’s all, like, accomplished and impressive and has a career and … a-and a 401K and shit …”
“Stop that, Anthony. I told you already, I plan to come back.”
“And what if your family needs you to stay?” he cuts me off. “I’m not gonna stop you from being there for them. What kinda asshole would I be if I did that? You need to … to give that denim jacket back to your brother.”
I blink. “What?”
“So he’s protected. That jacket has magic. I remember what you said.” He lets go of my hand and crosses his arms. “You need to get it back to him. You need to take care of them. You’re a good man, Bridger. A loyal man. With integrity and … and honor.”
“I’m coming back.”
“Keep sayin’ it over and over, doesn’t make it any more true. More you say it, less I believe it anyway. Less you believe it.” With that, he hops off the car suddenly and crunches through the grass a few steps before coming to a stop. I sit up, watching him. “And I’m gonna be someone like that someday, too. I’m gonna be a good man who … who isn’t so … fuckin’ selfish and childish all the time. I see you, I see what you are, who you are, what you stand for, and I look at myself, and … and I realize that’s what I want to be. I want to be someone who gets up every morning to jog. Who wakes up with a purpose every day. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life just being a fuckin’ mess.” He unbuttons the top of his shirt with sudden aggression. “Shirt’s ch-chokin’ the sh-shit outta me.”
I hop off the car and walk through the grass, coming up to his side. He glances at me, almost scowling.
That’s when I notice the tears in his eyes.
“The least you could do is be honest with me,” he then says, and it breaks my heart, watching the stars twinkle in his sad eyes, and all those tears he refuses to let fall down his cheeks. “Just be honest and say it to my face. Say that you’re goin’ home. Say that there’s a chance you may not come back. You owe me that much.”
For some reason, of all things, I find myself thinking about my brother. My mother. The look in their eyes right before I enlisted, right after dad left, right after my whole life shattered apart.
I don’t know if I can be that honest with him. I suddenly hate that Anthony might be right. Maybe I’ve been lying to myself this whole time, saying this isn’t just a short-term thing—a ride on the train from one point to another, only to hop off and watch it roar away down the tracks, unsure if I’ll ever board it again.
So instead of answering, I just pull him close, embracing him tightly in my arms. He says nothing more, burying his face in my chest under a blanket of far, far away stars.
24
ANTHONY
It’s the first morning I wake up without him.
And the first damned thing I do is roll over to grab him, only to remember I’m not on the fold-out couch at Trey and Cody’s, but on the couch in Juni’s apartment, and instead of grabbing anyone, I just roll straight off of it, crashing to the floor with a grunt.