Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 73094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 244(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 244(@300wpm)
I looked down and saw faint red scratch marks there.
Mason’s handiwork.
“What’s it to you?” I said.
“Curious. Can’t a guy ask his teammate a simple—”
I rolled my eyes, walking off. “Night, Elliot.”
“A simple question,” he continued, “like who the hell he’s bringing up to fuck in my frat house?”
“The answer is anybody I fucking want.”
“Didn’t know you liked older guys, Jesse,” Elliot taunted me now, following me down the narrow hallway and into the kitchen. A few girls and guys were hanging out in there, but when they saw the look on my face, they grabbed their drinks and filed out.
“You would have known that, if you ever listened to me. But you were a bad friend, Elliot.”
“Hey, hey,” I heard from behind me. Robbie appeared a moment later, clapping me on the back. “This isn’t the ice, bro. Chill.”
Elliot had a stupid smile on his face, though.
“Guess I’m not the only one who likes dirty blondes.”
I took a step past Robbie and shoved my hands forward, pushing Elliot and catching him off guard. He put a hand backward onto the kitchen table and a couple of empty two-liters and a beer bottle clattered to the floor.
“Jesse, what’s your problem?” Robbie asked.
I wish I could fucking tell you.
The problem is that I’m still holding Elliot’s secret, and he’s lording it over me like a petty tyrant king.
Elliot knew he could get to me, because he knew I was a decent person. I’d never be the person to out him as being gay or bi or whatever the fuck he might be, but that also meant that I had to hold in my own secrets. I was like a dam, constantly about to burst.
I backed off and headed upstairs. I heard Elliot’s light giggle as I walked away, and I held in every urge to go back and knock him cold.
“Fuck,” I said under my breath as I pushed my door closed, leaning back onto the cool wood.
Elliot pissed me off, but until now, I’d been able to keep his comments from getting completely under my skin, especially off the ice.
I looked down at the fading red scratch marks on my hips.
I wish you could have stayed.
I picked up my phone, thumbing through my messages, gravitating to Mason’s name but deciding not to get too boyfriendy when that wasn’t what we were.
Instead, I navigated to the only other person I could be honest with, dialing his number.
“A phone call?” Kane said as he answered. “Something really bad must be happening for me to earn a real phone call from you.”
“You busy?” I asked. “I mean, I know you’re always busy at the bar, but can you talk?”
“I can talk for five or ten minutes. Max is holding down the bar. What’s up? Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I mean, my house isn’t burning down or anything, and I’m physically in one piece, but…”
My words trailed off. I suddenly had a tight feeling in my throat.
When I was a young kid, I’d talked to my brother like this all the time. I could hardly get a scrape on my knee without going to Kane. And when I was a teenager, he’d been my best source of advice.
But it had been years since I’d done anything like this.
“But?” he asked gently.
“But I feel like I’m always one step away from fucking everything up again.”
The tightness in my throat got a little more constricted.
“Jesse,” Kane said softly.
“Like I’ve lived my whole life being in… in control of everything, and now it’s slowly slipping out of my grasp.”
“Just take a few breaths,” Kane said. I could hear the noise of the bar behind him get a little quieter, then the sound of what must have been the back office door closing at the Hard Spot. “First of all, I know you hate when I ask about school. But your grades aren’t the problem, right?”
“Not even close.”
“Well, there’s step one,” he offered. “You can’t say you’re totally not in control if you’ve still got school in your grasp.”
The truth was right there behind my lips.
I think I like someone, but I don’t know how to trust.
How to know what he wants, or if I’m… being too much.
And I know you sure as fuck wouldn’t approve.
I fucking hated having a secret. Like I was trapped, moving from one kind of secret to the next, holding it all in to protect other people. Mason was out and proud, but I knew he was terrified of telling Kane what we’d been doing.
I was in limbo. Purgatory. Another cage of my own making, because I kept thinking with my cock instead of my brain.
And because, goddamnit, I was starting to realize how much I actually liked him.
I swallowed hard. “It’s nothing. I’m okay.”
“No it isn’t. What’s on your mind? I told you I’ve got at least five minutes—”