Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 67140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 336(@200wpm)___ 269(@250wpm)___ 224(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 336(@200wpm)___ 269(@250wpm)___ 224(@300wpm)
At one point, he gets up and leaves my side. I miss his heat and am glad when he returns with a box of tissues for me. He takes one and wipes my tears away.
“Thank you,” I mouth to him. He cups my face a moment, gazing at me with such intensity that I look away. But I wonder what he’s thinking. Is he judging all of us addicts here? I’ve never brought a guy here. I haven’t dated anyone since getting clean. And I never would’ve imagined someone like Jaeger being at my side. Is he okay with being here?
Will he see me differently now that he knows I’m an addict?
The meeting ends. The mood is lighter, as if the speaker’s story was all our stories, and our collective confession allows us to leave some shadows behind.
Jaeger intuits that I don’t want to stick around or talk to anyone. He picks me up, ignoring the raised eyebrows. I wave to Tommy when we pass him, and he waves back. I’ll text him later and tell him it was good to see him.
Outside, a light rain greets us. The Lykan is still at the curb. A cop car is live, parked close by, but there’s no ticket on the hood.
We sit in the car for a moment, watching the drops of water slide down the windshield.
“You should know I haven’t used in three years,” I say. “I went through a hard time when I had to drop out of school.”
Jaeger squeezes my hand and doesn’t speak. His silence makes it easier to tell him the rest.
“My boyfriend at the time… liked to party. I went through… some stuff. In college. And I thought that partying would help.” I have few memories of those nights—nothing but flashing lights, dirty floors of clubs, and the sandy feeling in my eyes and mouth. Daylight was like knives in my skull, and I was tired all the time, bone-deep exhaustion I’d felt like I was too young to feel. “We broke up when I decided to stop using. Margot was pregnant and not doing well, and I knew I had to help. The pills were an escape I couldn’t afford.”
He turns in the seat, facing me. He cups my cheek and says nothing. I lean into his palm.
“Life is hard,” I say. “But other people have it worse.”
He strokes his thumb over my lips. “Was it hard working at Inferno?”
“Do you mean was there temptation? There’s always temptation. But I’ve learned…” I try to put my thoughts into words. “This… this moment is real. Even if it hurts, it’s worth the pain. The high was fake. And it didn’t last.”
He nods, and my heart beats faster with the feeling that he understands. “And there are other pleasures,” he says.
“Yes.”
“Like this.” He leans in and brushes his lips over mine. I crane my neck to get closer, wanting more.
“You are so beautiful,” he murmurs against my mouth. “So brave.”
The warmth in his voice is a deep pool I want to sink into. I want to hold him, to mold my body to his, to be so close to him that his warmth sinks into me and heals all my broken parts. I’ve spent so many years trying to hold myself together, and now here’s this man willing to wrap his strong arms around me and make a safe space for me so I can rest.
I would unbuckle my seatbelt and climb into his lap, but there’s a cop right there, so I say, “Take me home.”
He puts the Lykan in gear.
I stare at him the whole drive, memorizing the way the light and shadow slide over his features.
I don’t think twice about the fact that I called his penthouse ‘home.”
Jaeger
I lie in bed, Elodie drowsing in my arms. She’s naked, her short legs tangled with mine. I can’t stop running my hands over her soft skin. She has the sweetest freckles on her shoulders, and her plush thighs are dimpled and silky to the touch.
Her ankle is looking better. These past few days, she’s been able to rest and heal. I leave her as little as possible, but when duty calls, I know she’s safe and warm. I come home to her curled up on the couch under several layers of fluffy blankets, watching home renovation shows. A cozy bunny in her den.
She’s right where I want her. When she’s like this, comfortable and freshly fucked, she forgets to fight me, forgets herself, and relaxes into the moment. She’s content.
But I fear when she’s healed, she’ll decide it’s best for her to leave. I have to find new ways to trap her, to draw her down into my world.
There are several ways I could do this. I splay my hand over her plush belly. She’s gloriously round and soft now. What will she look like when I fill her with my baby? Atticus could easily sedate her and give her a fertility shot. I file that away as a later option. There might be an easier way.