Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 78164 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78164 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
“I don’t imagine I will have the restraint to keep my hands off of you for at least a hundred years, and there are so many things I cannot wait to do to you. All of them, I read in journals,” he purred while playfully hooking my leg around his hip.
It would be a lie to pretend I didn’t desire to know what was in those journals he’d been reading… but there were more important topics weighing on me. “You told me what you wanted. Now I’m asking you to listen to what I have to say.”
“Of course.” Immediately, he pulled away, resuming an innocent foot rub and giving me his attention. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
Way too much was weighing on my thoughts. A perfect mindstorm of what-ifs and confusion. “There wasn’t a day at the academy that I was happy. To be honest, I can't even imagine what consistent safety and happiness would feel like. There were moments when we all found joy, but they were very rare and almost always tied to breaking a rule that could see us killed. Such as sewing my dress in the dark.” Assured by his focus, I admitted, “Or playing with my stolen rock. You took me from deprivation and thrust me into this.” I gestured at the grandness of his room and all the glittering things within it.
He said nothing. Cyderial said… nothing. Biding his time, no doubt, and already formulating his response.
“One day, I was with a loving mother. The next, I was forced to kill a young vorec with a stick.” Trying and failing to brace against the chair, wishing I could be farther from him while also pressing softer parts of my body against him, I confessed, “We all quickly learn adults are not to be trusted. Mothers hand us over. Instructors exist to punish. All our guidance came from other children. Comfort was only offered by those who suffered with you. The academy is a lonely, terrible place for a kid. You want me to take a position within the academy, tempting me with the chance to make positive changes for my suffering sisters… by harming the youngest in the group. But I don’t trust you. The children, even though they know me, will not trust me. And I hated it there.”
I hated it, and the thought broke my hearts.
Softly, he said, “I know you did.”
And I would have no power to enact change. “Established instructors will have no reason to follow my suggestions. I am young, and my only credibility is that a general heard my song and I now belong to him.” And that was a hard fact.
He disagreed. “You might be surprised to find that not every instructor fell for your act. Some expect great things from you. You will not be unsupported, though it will be an uphill struggle with others. Altering the culture within the academy may take years. Your greatest adversary will be the constant threat of humans enacting an eradication protocol. They do not want happy hybrid children living joyfully in their city. They want trained slaves brainwashed into dying so they can live.”
That could not be completely true. “Before you took over, things were not as horrible. We were given an hour of playtime in the courtyard. Family visits were something to look forward to. Boys and girls intermingled, and—”
“No.”
There he was, the imperious general I hated, and not the softer Cyderial I was learning could be kind.
But I had been raised to fight for every last scrap I had been given. And then I made those scraps into a beautiful dress. Pulling my foot from his hand, I leaned down, so we were eye-to-eye. “Why?”
Taking my chin between his forefinger and thumb, more than happy to meet my glare, he said, “The courtyard, I can consider. Family visits, absolutely not. Little hybrid girls have gone missing on those outings to visit their mothers, regardless of armed guards. Some were taken by suitors, but the majority we recovered were taken by humans. Many children have never been found. Human males consider our kind exotic and desire us for taboo sexual pleasure. So yes, I prevented you from going into the city when you were too little to defend yourself. We can debate the finer details if you like, but I do not regret a single decision I made in the keeping of my vulnerable mate. And I will not allow other little girls to come to harm if I can prevent it.”
I would not let myself understand what he said, but my lip shook. “Why would they take little girls?”
His eyes shone, the man urging, “Please do not make me explain that to you. Just know it is a horrible thing.”
When he looked at me with such compassion, I felt foolishly idealistic. Naïve and stupid. I didn’t like being pitied, even less than I liked being ignorant through no fault of my own. “What… What if the mothers come to them?”