Total pages in book: 27
Estimated words: 27737 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 139(@200wpm)___ 111(@250wpm)___ 92(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 27737 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 139(@200wpm)___ 111(@250wpm)___ 92(@300wpm)
Mine.
That's all I can read in his gaze, just like I know when he looks into mine—-
Yours.
There's only one word he'll see.
I'm not sure how much time has passed when I wake and find myself curled against his body. I push myself up on my elbows, and even though I'm not surprised to find him still wide awake, it still breaks my heart to know why this is.
"It will be all okay," I whisper.
"I know."
The hollowness in his tone makes me wish there was something I could do to take his pain away.
But how?
Show me how, God.
Please.
"I know it's all over, but...Cesare could've died, Sarica."
"He could've. But he didn't."
He stares at me, and I suddenly feel self-conscious.
Was I just...wait, did I just...
His dark eyes start to gleam, and my heart sinks.
There's my answer then.
"Did you just try to comfort me?"
"I did," I admit gloomily.
"Well done, dolcezza."
"Don't make me feel worse."
His lips twitch, and I feel even gloomier.
"Can we just please change the subject, like...what did you mean about Massimo going underground?"
"Nonna and I have defensive mechanisms installed throughout the city in the past several years. We've also built a network of tunnels that covers the whole of New England. All we need to do is lure our enemies into our territory or that of our allies, and the battle's already won."
Giancarlo cups my face. "I'm sorry I wasn't with you earlier."
I shake my head. "I was scared, but I wasn't...terrified. I don't know how to explain it. I think...it's because I feel I've already faced the worst, and survived it, all other kinds of evil only seem...familiar."
"I understand."
I look at him searchingly. "Were you afraid?"
"Sì."
Giancarlo's lips twist in a humorless smile at my shock. "How can I not be? I do not have youth as an excuse now. And so if I fail to protect everyone again the way I failed to help..."
He shrugs as he says this, but it doesn't fool me at all. I know Giancarlo still considers himself partly to blame for what happened to his father and grandfather and that no amount of words will convince him otherwise.
But I also know that today is different because he has me...and him.
And that's when I hear myself repeat even more fiercely, "It will be all okay. You don't have to worry. God won't let you fail."
Giancarlo stares at me like I've just grown myself a halo when he's used to seeing me with a pair of horns and a cute little tail, and I can't blame him at all. I'm even tempted to tell him I need to see a psychiatrist...until he suddenly hauls me back into his arms, and I feel how hard his heart is pounding against my cheek.
"I need you."
That's what he says, and that's what I hear.
But we both know what he really means is...
I love you.
And I want so, so much to say it back but all I can do for now is that thing which I've never told others about.
Please.
I find myself praying even though it shames me to do so. It feels like I only come to him when I'm desperate—-
Please, please, please help me say it.
—-like now.
Please.
I fall asleep praying, and when I wake up, his answer is obvious.
Because my heart now feels like it's about to burst, and I'm just so, so ready to say the words.
But I can't.
Because the other half of the bed is empty.
Where are you when I needed you the most?
The disgustingly cheesy thought comes out of nowhere, and it makes me feel like gagging and smiling even as I hurry out of my bedroom. I don't even bother brushing my teeth first. I just want to find him, asap, and—-
There you are.
I slow down and step out onto the balcony.
"Do you regret it?"
It really seems to be my lucky day because for once in my life, I'm finally able to eavesdrop.
"What exactly are you asking, nonna?"
The voices are easily recognizable. It's La Strega and Giancarlo, and while the door to her study may be closed, they've apparently forgotten to close one of the windows, which opens directly to the balcony.
"Sarica is not the bride I had chosen for you."
"Why are you suddenly bringing this up?"
"I just want to know. After all these years—-do you regret going against my wishes?"
I don't understand.
"I do."
I don't want to hear this.
"I do regret it."
I can't even cry as I turn and walk away.
Why, God?
Why?
I know eavesdropping is a fucking sin, but did you have to be this cruel just to make your point?
Present Time
Red
I'LL FINALLY DO IT, today. I'll do it today. I swear I'll do it.
That's what I've been telling myself for the past two years, but every day, the words are nothing but self-deception at work.
Because love has turned me into a coward.
Help me, God.
Help me.
Please.
Ever since Cesare's imprisonment and subsequent release, the whole famiglia has changed. Everyone's softer now.