Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 103530 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 518(@200wpm)___ 414(@250wpm)___ 345(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103530 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 518(@200wpm)___ 414(@250wpm)___ 345(@300wpm)
“October twenty-sixth,” she responded, her face going a little blank, like she was steeling herself against something. “But I don’t celebrate it. I would prefer if people didn’t make a big thing out of it.”
“Flowers would be making a big thing?” Seemed like a weird boundary, but if she truly wanted me to respect it, I would. Still, there was something so unhappy in her eyes. “I won’t send flowers. Can I ask, though—”
“I think it should be obvious, right?” Her tone was hard, sharp. Something that was honed and forged, not grown naturally.
And then I realized. “It’s because of the bone marrow.”
She nodded bleakly.
“That wasn’t your—”
“I know it wasn’t my fault,” she snapped, then immediately softened. “Sorry. It’s a touchy subject for me.”
“I know. I should have realized. And I still said everything wrong.” There had to be some magical phrase to erase the hurt I’d dredged up. “Would it be all right if I called you this year on October twenty-seventh to tell you that I’m so glad you were born?”
She burst into tears.
That was not the reaction I’d been aiming for.
“I won’t, I won’t, I’m sorry!” I didn’t know what else to do, so I put my arms around her. That made her cry harder.
“I don’t mean to be like this,” she sobbed against my shoulder. “I promise, I’ll be fun again in a minute. I need—”
“Whoa, wait.” I took her by the upper arms and held her slightly back from me, so I could look her in the eye. “You don’t ever have to suppress your emotional reactions to be ‘fun’ for me, okay?”
She nodded, but I could tell she wasn’t buying it. So, I pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.
“Listen,” I whispered, stroking her damp hair. “If this whole birthday thing is bumming you out, I’ll cancel my party.”
“Don’t say that.” She sniffled, and I wondered if offering her a tissue to use instead of my shoulder would be insensitive.
But I was totally serious about canceling the party. As much as I loved my birthday, I loved Charlotte a whole lot more.
I loved Charlotte.
I loved Charlotte.
Blood pounded to my head and roared in my ears. Dizziness swept through me. Was it another blood clot? No, it was panic. It was sheer panic.
Oblivious to my predicament, she sat back. “Don’t cancel your party. I’m excited to see what you have planned. I don’t hate other people’s birthdays. I hate my birthday. It’s a monument to what a disappointment I am.”
“You’re not a disappointment.” It came out too fiercely. Quieter, I added, “You’re not a disappointment to me.”
“And you’re the only person on Earth who matters,” she quipped.
“I like to believe so, and I’m glad you’re also on board.”
She sat up, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. “Do you have some tissue?”
“I thought you would never ask.” I laughed grimly and passed her the box from the nightstand. I took one myself and dabbed my shoulder with it. In case.
“I think I’m just tired,” she went on, blowing her nose comically. “Tonight was a lot.”
“I’m sure it was.” Too much of a good thing. “Tomorrow, let’s stay in. Me and you, being lazy all day.”
“I don’t want to waste your time here,” she began.
I wouldn’t let her apologize further. “You’re not wasting my time. I’ve been here for a while, remember? Hiding out?”
“It does seem like a good place to hide out. If you’re you, I mean,” she gestured around. “Netflix, video games, full-time staff, sex on demand. What else could someone want?”
Mental health services and the knowledge that the woman I love isn’t going to bolt if I ever so much as hint at loving her. I completely believed Scott when he said she didn’t commit to people. “I can even promise to fuck off and leave you alone, if it’s space that you need.”
“No.” She shook her head, her smile trembling at the corners. “Being with you doesn’t make me feel like I need space.” She laughed. “Isn’t that strange?”
“Not at all.” I was glad we were on the same page. “I feel the same way.”
It was as close to I love you as I’d ever get to say to her.
****
(Charlotte)
Breakfast without sexy shenanigans was just as good as with sexy shenanigans, I found. There was still a huge amount of food, though Matt assured me it didn’t get tossed out afterward.
“Anything we don’t touch, the staff gets dibs on.” He motioned to one of the staff members standing by. “And you guys eat it, don’t you?”
“Yes, sir,” the man said enthusiastically. “Like a pack of hyenas.”
Matt laughed at that and turned back to me. “I don’t know what you like, and I don’t want to get up early enough for the breakfast buffet.”
“So, you bring the buffet to me.” It made sense, and I felt better knowing the food wouldn’t be wasted. “Frankly, I’m fine with it.”