Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 76205 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 381(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76205 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 381(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
“Oh, Brianna…” He touches my cheek with such a gentle caress that I widen my eyes to make sure it’s him and not a dove’s wing.
Jesse’s not known for his light touch.
“I do want your heart, Bree. But I’m not sure you’ve actually given it to me.”
I drop my mouth open.
He gently pushes my chin upward so my mouth closes. “I can’t believe this, but…I’m in love. I love you, Brianna. I didn’t want to. I don’t want to. But I do. And it crept up on me so quickly that I almost missed it. But it’s fucking love. It’s not the pretty and romantic kind of love that you want, though. It’s the all-encompassing viral kind of love that will eat at your very soul. The kind of love that you know is true and pure because every love that came before it pales in comparison. The kind of forever love that’s so genuine it fucking hurts, Bree.”
The words…
Are they real?
Because he’s told me time and again that there’s no future. That he’ll never love me. But Jesse wouldn’t lie to me. Not about something so important.
Still, I’m afraid to hope…
“You love me?” I say, my lips quivering.
“God, yes. I tried to fight it, but you’re inside me, Bree. You’re part of me now, and I’m not sure I can let you go if I give in to this.”
I swallow. A big part of me is still afraid to believe his words. “Jesse, I don’t want you to let me go.”
“But… I know you think you love me. But you’re young. This is a first love. And I’m telling you I was convinced I was in love when I was your age too, but this… This… This is so much more. It’s like when the melody builds, and the harmony comes in, and it’s perfect and comes to a fever pitch… It’s the perfect blend… The perfect sound…”
I step back.
The look on his face is pure anguish. He’s wincing, his eyes are glassy, his jaw rigid, and the wrinkles on his forehead are furrowed with tension. He’s in pain. Jesse’s in pain.
That’s not how you should look after you tell a woman you’re in love with her.
I swallow. “Why do you think I wouldn’t return that kind of love?”
“Because it’s too much for a kid like you.”
Tension builds in my shoulders. He’s not trying to make me angry. I know this, but again I have to remind him of the facts. “I’m twenty-two.”
“I fucking know that, Bree. Twenty-two. First love. I’m concerned that what you feel for me is a crush, Brianna. And what I feel for you is so much more than that.”
Chapter Seventeen
Jesse
I can’t believe I just said those words to her.
She looks at me with such passion, such desire. And it’s all laced with a touch of anger.
Can I blame her? I basically just told her she’s too immature to have real feelings for me. I’m lucky she hasn’t slapped me.
“Jesse,” she says, taking a step toward me, “that’s all I ever wanted.”
“No. I mean, maybe. How can I say this without being insulting? Because I’d rather die than insult you or make you feel bad in any way. But what you don’t understand, Brianna, is the anguish I’m feeling inside me. You’re inside me. You’re a part of me now, and I want to fight it. I want to fight it so hard, and I’ve been trying to. But it doesn’t work. Nothing works anymore, Bree. Because everything is you and everything is me.”
She comes forward another step. “I can give you what you want, Jesse. I know I can.”
I shake my head. Then I nod. “Maybe you can. I don’t know. But I have to have you through this tour. Because releasing with you, letting my emotions out with you—it keeps me sane for the work I have to do.”
She reaches toward me. “It’s okay. I can give you what you need.”
I know she thinks she can, but I’m done talking now. I grab her hand before she touches me, squeeze her wrist.
All I can think about is her, the need, the ache that I have for her, how part of me would give up this entire tour to be with her. I’ve been fighting it. Tamping it down.
And I can’t tamp it down anymore.
The last forty-eight hours have been harrowing. First Dragon, and then finding a new drummer, and despite everything, it all worked out.
And while I was happy about that, something was missing.
What was missing was the woman standing before me now.
How did I let this happen?
How did I let this beautiful young woman not only into my heart, but into my very soul?
How did she become the essence of all that I am?
It’s crazy, really. So crazy. But I need her, and I need her now.