Total pages in book: 139
Estimated words: 130380 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 652(@200wpm)___ 522(@250wpm)___ 435(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130380 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 652(@200wpm)___ 522(@250wpm)___ 435(@300wpm)
She slipped away quickly, her breaths turning long and slow.
And I kissed the back of her neck knowing I was ruined for anyone else.
Mary
Panic slipped into bed with me the next morning.
The sheets were otherwise empty, so I felt the arms of anxiety like a straitjacket as they wrapped me up tight and held me against my will.
“Oh, God,” I whispered to myself, hand against my heart as I rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. It wasn’t even dawn yet, the room still cast in a calm darkness. “Oh, God.”
I slept with Leo Hernandez.
I slept with Leo fucking Hernandez.
I slapped my forehead, shaking my head even as I tried to calm myself down. It’s fine, I tried to convince myself. Everything is fine.
But I couldn’t squeeze my eyes shut hard enough to block out the abrasive thoughts as they punched me from every angle.
I felt like a fool.
Yes, Leo had seemed genuine in his apologies — both for the past and the present. And yes, he’d let me tattoo him, marking him for life. Also, yes, I’d wanted him. I’d wanted him in this bed with me, wanted his hands and mouth all over me, wanted all of him inside me.
But now that I was alone in the aftermath of my decisions, I couldn’t drown out the loud voice inside me saying it could all be a lie.
What if he did know it was me all those years ago? What if he was disgusted when he saw me? What if he was so embarrassed he blew me off in front of his friends, but was so selfish he pretended like it didn’t happen when he tried to call me that night? What if he wanted to have his cake and eat it, too?
And what if he knew it was me when I moved across the street? What if he saw how I’d changed, and so he continued playing dumb, all while making me his next conquest?
How many times had I witnessed him relentlessly pursuing another girl — whether it was a cheerleader or a sorority girl or some random partying at The Pit?
How was I supposed to believe him when he said he never felt for any of them the way he felt for me when that was years ago? We were in high school. We never even held hands, let alone anything else physical. And judging from his performance last night, I knew he’d had plenty of experience.
My stomach turned with that thought, even though I had no right to feel any sort of way considering I was far from a virgin myself.
Still, even as my anxiety warned me away from Leo, I felt a possessiveness over him that I couldn’t fight. Why was it so hard to believe that he’d had me on his mind all these years, if I’d felt the same way about him?
I wanted to believe him.
I wanted to live in the world where I was the source of Leo Hernandez’s desire, where he meant it when he said he wanted to make it up to me, that he wanted me to be his.
But how could he?
How could someone who looked like him, who had talent like he had and a future in the fucking NFL want anything to do with me?
I was wound so tight that I jumped when the bedroom door creaked open, and Leo slipped inside, already dressed for practice with his gym bag slung over his shoulder. He dropped it at the door before crossing the room in three wide strides and climbing into bed with me.
It was a betrayal, the way my heart calmed when he was near, how my breathing leveled out just at the sight of him. When his scent surrounded me, I sighed with relief, like his presence was grounding me to the reality I wanted to believe.
“Did I wake you?” he asked, nuzzling his nose in my neck as he curled around me.
I shook my head, but didn’t answer, and I felt myself stiffening in his arms as my anxious thoughts crept back in. Leo noticed immediately, frowning as he propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at me. His brows furrowed with one look at my face.
“I woke myself,” I said, just above a whisper.
“You look like you saw a ghost.”
I hated that my eyes welled with tears, that my skin burned with the restraint to hold them at bay. But it was no use. One tear slipped out of my eye and down to my ear before Leo swiped it away with his thumb.
“Hey,” he said, searching my eyes. “What’s that about?”
That only made me shake my head harder, and I covered my face with my hands so I wouldn’t have to look at him, so he couldn’t look at me while I fell apart.