Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 77816 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77816 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
“Bex…” I start, but I don’t know how to finish. My chest tightens, a pang of something sharp and aching cutting through me with an underlying hint of panic.
She shakes her head, a sad smile playing on her lips. “It’s okay, Nash. I’m not asking for anything. I just… I need you to know that I’m not going to dwell on our past. Unless you want this to be a onetime thing, I’m going to look toward the future.”
Her words hang in the air, oppressive because I’m not sure if I can look past tomorrow. And all I can think about is the nightmare—the flames, her screams, the way I couldn’t reach her. It felt like a premonition, a warning. We didn’t work out the first time and I felt we had really tried. She’s here now, but for how long?
How long before I lose her again?
I can’t get too close. I can’t risk it. Because if I lose her again, I don’t know if I’ll survive it.
But that selfish part of me deep down isn’t willing to walk away. What we had last night… it was better than what we ever had before. I’m not sure if it’s the experiences we bring, the new lease on our careers or perhaps we’re just different people. I just know that I want… something with her.
“I don’t know if I can give you much,” I admit, pinning her with a look so she understands my truth.
Her smile is faint as she nods. “I know.”
“Maybe we just take it one day at a time,” I suggest.
“Okay.”
“Maybe without any expectations for now.”
“I understand.”
I know she does. I can hear the disappointment in her voice and my gut tells me that will never be enough for someone like her. I’m already shoring up to suffer the fallout when she concludes that she needs more than what I might be able to give her.
The ache in my chest deepens, but I don’t say anything else. I can’t. Instead, I shift to my back, pulling her with me. She doesn’t resist, her head resting on my chest as her arm wraps around my waist.
“I’m here, Nash,” she murmurs, her voice soft and soothing. “I’m here.”
And for now, that’s enough.
CHAPTER 14
Bex
The conference room at the Guildford headquarters is small, its walls bare except for a single screen displaying the replay of the Jeddah race. It’s just me, Hendrik, Matthieu and Nash seated around the sleek black table, our goal today to further deconstruct what happened and apply our learned lessons to Melbourne.
Bernie isn’t present because he’s officially in backup driver position now and won’t be called upon to attend any strategy sessions, although he’ll continue to work in the simulator on the off chance he’s needed.
But for now, we are focusing on Nash and Matthieu and the strategies we will employ for them individually and as a team.
Matthieu sits across from me, his arms crossed and a scowl etched on his face, which I’ve come to conclude has everything to do with me. He is open, gregarious and engaging with Hendrik and the other engineers, but with me… I’m still the enemy. I’m guessing there’s no forgiveness for what I said to him after the Jeddah race, and I’m sure he even blames me for the hard line Luca took with him.
I can’t let that deter me though.
He’s also got an attitude with Nash at times. It’s a hit-or-miss kind of thing, but there’s no doubt he has some jealousy brewing since Nash has been slotted as the number one driver. That means he gets the best car and the first crack at upgrades, which will always put him in a stronger position.
Hendrik is to my right, scrolling through his tablet, occasionally glancing my way with an expression I can’t quite read. Nash sits back in his chair, legs stretched out, his sharp hazel eyes watching everything unfold with a casualness I find oddly comforting.
He left my flat early this morning, both of us having managed to fall back asleep following his nightmare. He drifted off quickly and I marveled at his lack of fear that another nightmare might hit him.
I wasn’t so lucky. I found sleep hard to attain as I brooded over the entire interaction. It wasn’t the horror of the night terror and how bad I felt for him, but rather how badly his distance hurt me. He never had to come out and say the words directly, but there’s no doubt he’s not as confident about our reconnection as I am. I was forthright in my feelings, having given in to them the minute we kissed. Conversely, he was quick to shut them down and was clear… he can’t promise me anything.
One would think that would mean we just cut our losses and go our separate ways, intent on being nothing more than business teammates. But he confused the hell out of me just before he left this morning. He pulled me into his arms, kissed me so sweetly I almost swooned and asked, “Can I stay again tonight?”