Total pages in book: 156
Estimated words: 145676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 728(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 486(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 728(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 486(@300wpm)
“What just happened?” Michael asked, his head tilted to the side as if he could see into Robert’s soul.
“I…” Robert had to mentally force himself to move out from under the scary, sorrowful emotions. “I love your nephew with every fiber of my being. The fear of never fully seeing him makes me afraid of my actions in the future. I’m following signs. Really just one, based on something my father said to me in the minutes before surgery. I’m making many other changes to my life—my entire life—but I’m struggling with the process of letting it naturally unfold. I try to find scientific explanations for things that have no bases in science or sanity for that matter. Does that make sense to you?”
“It does,” Michael said with an encouraging nod. “What’re you trying to understand?”
“The balance of my head with my heart. But it seems my head keeps getting in the way of my heart.” They both chuckled at his basic way of describing such a complex problem. “My heart’s winning. I want to keep it that way. I just don’t understand why, and until I understand, I keep reverting back to my old ways.”
“Robert, the only exactness I can give you is the understanding that metaphysics is a branch of philosophy that deals with the first principles of things, including abstract concepts such as being, knowing, substance, cause, identity, time, and space—”
Robert stopped Michael, lifting an apologetic hand for the interruption. “Abstract with no basis in reality,” Robert countered, placing his elbows on the edge of the table, clasping his hands together. Every bit of his concentration focused on Michael, appreciative of his willingness to participate in this thread of conversation.
Michael shook his head in such a way that Robert knew he flat wasn’t getting it. “Let me say it like this, in a way that may help you reprogram your resistance. What’s happening to you is based in science. A transcending of what’s physical and natural. It’s the truth of existence—all existence. Mindset is everything with the metaphysical. Landon’s gone as far down this path as he’s willing to intellectually go. You may have too, and that’s all right, because look what you’ve found by opening yourself to more.”
“I guess I see,” Robert said, straining his brain to understand Michael’s words.
Michael laughed at him, reaching out a hand to clasp Robert’s joined hands. “You’ll get there. And sometimes it’s enough to believe there’s more. It allows the possibility in, like with Landon.”
Those words nailed Robert’s growing thought process to a tee. He didn’t understand, and that was okay because the evidence of the possibility had given him his life back. “You’re a librarian. Landon gives you credit for his success; he’s told me you’re the rock of this family.”
“Don’t think less of Tony. He’s tried. His personality is just so big and always ready to invest in the next big thing. He struggles to keep his jobs. My sister is a kind woman. She cleans houses. We all work together to make ends meet,” Michael explained, painting a picture Landon hadn’t necessarily explained to him. “Landon also helps. He sends money home. He’s also claimed responsibility for Presley’s and Parker’s school clothes and supplies and their extracurricular activities. He provides a lot of their Christmas and birthday gifts…” Whatever look Robert held had Michael breaking from the topic, saying, “You look surprised. He didn’t tell you?”
“No, he hasn’t.” Robert shook his head and crossed his arms. What a kind deed. Robert had enough money to live ten lifetimes and something as generous as that might not have occurred to him to do.
“Landon’s a good man, solid and full of personality. He’s also complicated. On one hand, he’s self-assured and determined. On the other, he’s insecure as hell. I see him like that with you,” Michael said.
“I don’t know what to do to stop it?”
“Time.”
Robert nodded. He’d hoped as much. All he wanted in the world was to give Landon all the time he needed, making confidence in their relationship seem achievable.
“I pushed hard for this relationship with Landon. I didn’t know how to manage all these feelings. I went gangbusters with him. I didn’t want to lose him—maybe I was insecure too or maybe I took the meaning of my father’s words and the feathers that ended up in my path too closely to heart. Something in here”—Robert pointed to his heart before he continued—“tells me that’s not what happened. I love Landon with more…intensity than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything before. I know we’re meant to be together. My world immediately locked into place with Landon. My father talked openly about soul mates. I understand him now. I just don’t know how I know. It seems my only purpose in life is to live as authentically as I can with Landon by my side.”