Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 56786 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 284(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56786 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 284(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
His eyes burning with tears, Lucien stayed still in the circle of his arms before finally giving in and burying his face against Aksel’s throat with a small whimper he didn’t managed to suppress. He breathed harshly, raggedly, trying not to cry.
He cried anyway. He felt so achingly safe in Aksel’s arms, like he was finally home after more than a year of being alone, and it hurt that he couldn’t stay like this forever. Aksel could never be his home. But for this short, stolen moment, he could fool himself that he was, that they could have forever.
“You’re not a waste of space,” Aksel said after a long time. His voice was quiet, strained. “It hurts me to think that you still think of yourself this way. You’re perfect as you are, Lucien.”
Chuckling harshly, Lucien shook his head.
Perfect? That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Gently tipping his face up, Aksel forced him to look him in the eyes. “Listen to me. I don’t care that you can’t give me children.” His tone was firm, but Lucien could detect a hint of sadness in his scent.
“You’re lying,” he whispered.
Aksel pulled a face, his expression pinched. “All right, I admit that I would have loved to have a big family with you. But that’s just a base alpha instinct to breed and procreate. I’m not just my instincts.” He held Lucien’s gaze, his blue eyes steady and sincere. “My love for you is more than just my instincts. I love you, Lucien. You. I’ve loved you for decades, and you’re kidding yourself if you think your infertility will stop me from loving you. You’re more than enough for me. You’re everything to me.”
Lucien struggled to swallow the lump in his throat. He suddenly almost hated Aksel, for saying everything he wanted to hear—and everything he couldn’t have. If Lucien had loved him less, he might have accepted Aksel’s love and damn the consequences. But he didn’t love him less. He loved him too much to ruin his life by shackling him to an old, useless, barren omega with a destroyed reputation and nonexistent social standing.
His vision getting blurry, Lucien cradled Aksel’s scruffy face with his hands and whispered hoarsely, “Thank you. Thank you for loving me.” I love you too. I love you so much. “But I can’t accept your love. Your sacrifice. We have no future together, Aksel.”
“Luci—”
“Please,” Lucien croaked out. “Please stop pushing. I can’t do this. You may think you want me, that you don’t care about the scandal, the lack of children, but after years of being ostracized and gossiped about, you’ll start resenting me. You’ll see your friends surrounded by a gaggle of sweet children and you will regret not mating an omega who could give you that, an omega you would have been proud to show off as your mate. I can never be that omega for you. I’m sorry.” His vision was so blurry with tears he could no longer even see Aksel’s face clearly. “In another life, a better life, you and I could have been happy together, but this isn’t that life.” He turned and all but ran out of the room before his resolve could shatter.
He didn’t even make it to his room before he burst into ugly sobs.
Chapter Nineteen
At times like this, Aksel wished he could get smashingly drunk more easily. But his body processed alcohol too fast. He was on his second bottle of vodka and yet he still felt too damn sober.
The sound of heavy footsteps made him look up. He knew who it was, of course. He’d been able to smell his brother before he even entered the study.
“Why are you drinking in the middle of the day?” Royce said.
Aksel just shrugged. It wasn’t as though he could tell his brother the truth.
Heaving a sigh, Royce dropped himself in the opposite chair. “Aksel. Why are you drinking?”
He took another swig from his bottle. “Maybe I’m celebrating my engagement.”
“You aren’t exactly behaving like a happily engaged man,” Royce said flatly. “I still think you rushed into it. And I don’t approve your choice, either.”
“Dylan is a perfectly fine choice,” Aksel said, just as flatly. His lips twisted into a bitter smile. “Young, fertile, socially appropriate.”
“I have no issue with the kid. He seems fine. His father is another matter entirely.”
“I’m not marrying his father.”
Royce pursed his lips. “I don’t get along with my father-in-law, either, so I would normally agree, but you don’t love the kid.”
“You didn’t love Haydn when you married him, either.”
“No,” Royce conceded. “But I also wasn’t in love with someone else.”
Aksel’s hand with the bottle stopped halfway to his mouth. He looked at his brother, who looked back at him steadily.
Aksel set the bottle down.
Silence reigned.
“Dylan knows the truth,” Aksel said tersely. “His feelings are engaged elsewhere. We have an understanding.”