Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 56786 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 284(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56786 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 284(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
But he had no choice.
He needed to let Aksel go. He needed to let go, so that Aksel could move on, find another om—
God, he couldn’t even think it. The mere thought of another omega in Aksel’s arms made him so angry and hurt he didn’t know what to do with himself. His instincts were screaming that it was wrong, that Aksel was his, his and no one else’s.
But his instincts were wrong.
Aksel was his stepson, a man a decade his junior. He deserved better than him. He deserved things Lucien couldn’t give him: social acceptance, a young mate—who wasn’t his ruined stepfather he would always be ashamed of—who could give him a large, happy family. Aksel deserved better than a broken, tainted, defective omega like him.
He must do this for Aksel.
He must do this for the kind boy who’d once been his only friend.
Part IV
Chapter Fourteen
Present day — continued
“Sorry,” Lucien said, quickly stepping back from Aksel as they nearly collided in the doorway.
“Not your fault,” Aksel said coldly, barely glancing at him.
His stomach twisting, Lucien looked past Aksel’s shoulder at Vagrippa.
She watched them with sharp, careful eyes.
“Did I interrupt something?” Lucien said in his lightest voice, sensing the tension in the room. These days he usually avoided being in the same room as Aksel, but it was probably safe with Vagrippa being there too. A small, pathetic part of him couldn’t help but crave the smallest crumbs of Aksel’s attention, no matter how unwise it was. No matter how hard Aksel’s eyes were.
“Not at all,” Vagrippa said. “I was just telling Aksel about the list of accomplished, suitable omegas I compiled for him.”
It took everything in him to keep the neutral expression on his face.
“I see,” Lucien said. “I take it Aksel wasn’t very pleased?”
Aksel’s back tensed. He turned around and bored his cold blue eyes into Lucien. “No,” he replied for Vagrippa. “I don’t need my mother’s help to choose a mate for myself.”
Lucien swallowed. That same pathetic part of him that craved Aksel’s attention irrationally wanted to believe that Aksel meant him. But his brain knew better than his foolish heart. Aksel hadn’t looked at him kindly in over a year. He wasn’t talking about Lucien; he was simply saying that he would choose a mate himself—a mate who wasn’t Lucien.
It was fine.
It was.
It was what he’d wanted. It was.
“I’m sure you don’t,” Lucien heard himself say. He smiled, hoping that he looked like he didn’t care.
Aksel’s expression was inscrutable as he stared him down. “On second thought, Mother,” he said, “give me that list. I’ll take a look.”
Lucien’s stomach sank. He managed to keep his smile on his face only with an incredible force of will. It probably looked a little deranged.
Unable to look at Aksel’s indifferent expression anymore, he shifted his gaze to Vagrippa.
She was smiling widely, looking inordinately pleased. “Let me grab it from my room, dear,” she said, getting to her feet.
Realizing that he was in danger of being alone with Aksel, Lucien muttered some excuse and left the dining room.
He’d lost his appetite anyway.
***
Part of Lucien still thought that Aksel hadn’t been serious about looking at Vagrippa’s list—about taking a mate.
But he was quickly disabused of that notion when two days later Vagrippa announced that they were sending out invitations to the most eligible omegas of Kadarian society to attend a two-week house party at the Cleghorns’ country estate. Apparently, Aksel had given his approval. Apparently, he was actually willing to go through the society dance of picking a suitable omega.
It was... It killed something in Lucien’s heart. It hurt. He knew it was foolish. He knew it was downright stupid. He knew he had no right to be jealous or hurt. He’d given up Aksel himself. It was his own decision. He’d hurt Aksel immensely. He’d killed the affection Aksel had felt for him with his own hands.
He had no fucking right to feel hurt.
Lucien knew that.
But it changed nothing. He had thought he was ready to see Aksel move on with his life.
He had thought wrong.
***
Sometimes Lucien dreamed of that night.
It was his worst nightmare, his worst memory of the worst day of his life.
He wasn’t sure what it said about him that his worst memory wasn’t the day he had been raped or even the day his father had kicked him out of his home.
No, his worst memory was the night the devotion in Aksel’s eyes had died.
The dream started just as it had happened in real life.
He was lying on top of Aksel, clinging to his firm body desperately, still shaking after his orgasm. His eyes were wet. For once, it wasn’t from the intensity of the pleasure he’d just experienced. The feeling of impending loss was so crushing he already felt it. The emptiness. The heartache. The grief. He wondered if that was how people felt before their death.