Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 81358 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81358 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
“I don’t understand that at all. A coward because you don’t like guns? Many people don’t like guns, and it doesn’t make them cowards. You have a healthy respect for life. You don’t wish to harm anyone. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s something to be proud of.”
Dev shook his head, which was just a mess of ugly thoughts and noise. This didn’t feel like something to be proud of. “I don’t like guns. They represent this point of no return. You can’t have a moment like, ‘Oh, shit! I didn’t mean to do that.’ It’s too late. That person is dead. There’s no taking it back. No apologizing and trying to make things better. It’s done. Over.” He rubbed the heel of his palm hard against his forehead. “And then there’s Adam’s murder. Yes, he wasn’t shot, but he was still killed. They thought I killed my husband.” His voice rose and shook, tears filling his eyes. “I loved Adam. I would never, never do anything to hurt him.”
Kai wrapped one arm around Dev’s slumped shoulders and the other around his middle, pulling him into this tight, protective cocoon so he could breathe. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I’m sorry that you lost him.”
“But it all seems worse to have survived those accusations, to still deal with people who don’t believe you despite the proof, and then have a gun with the intent of hurting another person. It-it’s just wrong.”
The words kept pouring out of him now that Kai had him talking. It was as if his soul had been sliced open, and every ugly thought was fighting to bask in the light. How in the world did Kai still sit there, holding him? A sane man would be running for the hills. Dev was more trouble than he was worth.
“What else?” Kai prodded to his shock.
“And what about Jake? What if he finds it? I like to think that he’s smart enough not to touch it, but we hear stories all the time of kids playing with guns they found in the house and getting shot.”
“We will take precautions. We’ll talk to Jake together, make sure he understands all the dangers. The gun will be locked up and always kept unloaded. We’ll make sure Jake is always safe.”
Kai’s calm and firm statements helped to shove away some of the panic that had wrapped like thorny vines around his heart. He liked that Kai kept saying “we.” It meant that he was staying with him, that they were tackling this problem together. Kai saw them as a team.
“And when this is over, I’ll take the gun with me so that it’s not in your house any longer.”
With one sentence, Kai had removed the thorns to replace them with a knife in his heart. He didn’t need the reminder that all of this was temporary. The moment Dev was safe again, Kai was going to be gone, heading to his next job. Back to his exciting life anywhere but there. Was there really no hope for them?
Dev closed his eyes, trying to fight the swell of pain. His brain knew this was all temporary. Their lives were so damn different. Dev had to be a fun distraction, something different from his normal life, and Kai had to be anxious to get to everything else. Logic had no place when it came to Kai. He wanted the man to stay. He wanted them to figure out a way to have some kind of life together, but how?
Did he pull Jake out of school and start homeschooling him while they trailed after Kai as he traveled the world? And how was it safe for Kai to have a boyfriend and child tagging along after him as he took assassination contracts?
And how in the world would he even explain that life to Jake? It would just be one lie after another. He’d shielded Jake from enough in his young life. He didn’t want the boy’s every memory to be tainted with lies.
That left Dev seeing Kai only on those rare occasions when his work brought him close to Seattle.
Or Kai giving up his life as an assassin. Not that Dev could ask him for such a thing. He wouldn’t dream of it.
But it meant he couldn’t keep Kai for much longer. They were just destined to be two ships in the night.
“Dev?”
Sucking in a harsh breath, Dev straightened, forcing Kai to loosen his hold on him a little. “Sorry. Sorry about all of this. You’ve got enough to deal with. You don’t need to worry about me freaking out about something so stupid.”
“Stop,” Kai barked, making Dev flinch. “You have nothing to apologize for, and this isn’t something stupid. This is important. How you feel is important to me.” He gently held Dev’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing him to turn his head and meet his gaze. “I hate to ask you to do anything that you don’t want or goes against your beliefs, but I must. If anything, you should be angry at me for asking this of you. I’m the coward.”