Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Chase’s eyes flickered to meet mine again. “Oh?”
“I’m not straight,” I told him, summoning the words from whatever place inside me that could ignore how weird it felt to talk about myself. “At first, when I was a kid, I thought I was straight. Then when I was a teenager I was certain that I must have been ‘turning gay,’ when I started to realize that I was also attracted to men. Then eventually in college I had to accept that I can be attracted to just about anyone. Not that I’m good at talking to people regardless of their gender.”
I felt like I was babbling, even though I had probably only been talking for thirty seconds tops. I wanted to keep adding clarifications and anecdotes, but I shut my mouth instead.
Chase looked visibly relieved. “I wasn’t trying to pry, but thank you for being comfortable enough to tell me that.”
“Of course.”
“Damn,” Chase said, looking me up and down. “You’re hot and bisexual. You must get some serious action on the apps.”
“Dating apps?” I asked.
He gave me a pointed stare. “You’re not on dating apps?”
“No,” I said, shifting on the bench seat. “I’m kind of a lone wolf, if you can’t tell.”
I didn’t mention the most personal part of my sexuality journey: that I’d still never had sex with another guy. I’d never so much as kissed another guy, even though I’d wanted to since I was a young teen and I was twenty-eight now. The stars had never aligned, and even though there had been a couple of guys in high school and college that I would have been into, I either hadn’t known if they were gay or hadn’t known if they had any interest in me. I’d been with two women before, one in college and one in grad school, and both had been sweet but short-lived relationships.
But in the past year, I liked that my OnlyShots videos mostly had a male audience. It was part of the thrill that kept me uploading. A craving for male attention and attraction that I’d never been able to fulfill before in real life.
But if anyone in my real life ever found out, I’d probably spontaneously combust into white-hot flames.
Chase was just shaking his head, gazing at me while he finished the dregs of his drink. “You could have anyone you wanted, and you’re not even on the apps. That’s some smart-guy swagger, right there.”
“I promise you, I can’t get anyone I want.”
He raised an eyebrow, casting doubt. “Bullshit.”
“I can barely make small talk with a cashier, let alone people on dates.”
“You’ve been doing great with me.”
I cocked my head to one side, considering. “You don’t count.”
“Oh, I don’t?” Chase said, a cocky little grin coming over his lips.
“That did not come out how I meant it to,” I said. “It’s a compliment, and it kind of came out sounding like an insult. All I mean is that you’re not as hard to talk to as most people are.”
Christ, he was one of the most attractive guys that had ever spoken with me. I hoped to hell that he wasn’t going to think I was insulting him.
“So I’m different,” he said, batting his eyes and doing a cute little dance while sitting down. “I do take that as a compliment.”
“Well, yes, you’re different,” I told him. “You’re clearly a good talker. But you also showed interest in me. A lot of people don’t do that. They seem to avoid me, almost.”
“Because a lot of people are probably intimidated by you,” he said. “You should know that, Mr. Genius Mathematician.”
“The thought of anyone being intimidated by me is like a German Shepherd being intimidated by a kitten. A shy kitten, with no claws.”
“Trust me, you come off much more like a tiger than a kitten,” Chase said, giving me a look that made heat flood through my whole body. “I’m going to go grab another drink, do you want anything?”
“I’ll take another of the summer ale,” I said. “Thank you.”
I watched Chase as he walked over to the bar, and I let my eyes linger on his ass, which looked far too good in the jeans he was wearing.
While Chase waited in line at the bar, chatting with all sorts of his friends, I slid out my phone and thumbed over to the OnlyShots app. I’d uploaded a video right before I summoned the courage to come out here to the brewery, and I wanted to see if it had gotten any response. I got a little excited when I saw a comment from one of my more consistent viewers.
ChillyIcyBlue: You only get better. My favorite video yet.
I had no idea who he was, but he always commented with sweet things. His profile had no photo, but it said he was male and thirty years old.