Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 98992 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 495(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98992 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 495(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
It’s impossible not to smile at the statement.
“I assume Gabe and Antonio won’t be interested in joining us after your dad and I spank them at Spades tonight.”
“Why are your Friday night plans always better than mine?”
“Because you work too much,” she playfully pokes while sauntering back into the kitchen. “And speaking of what you do for a living…”
“Were we though?”
“Your brother and Antonio have been approved for adoption.”
There’s a small ache of jealousy in my chest. “Oh yeah?!”
“Yes! A little girl from Japan! Wait until you see her picture! She is just the cutest damn thing with the chubbiest cheeks!”
“Why Japan? Why not one from our country? Or Puerto Rico where Antonio is actually from?”
“You know your big brother. Once he gets it in his head to do something, that’s what he does.”
“Yup.” An amused expression presents itself. “I had many dolls that suffered terrible haircuts from his determination to become a hairdresser at the age of ten.”
“Only for him to turn around and decide to become a Chiropractor on a random Thursday at the age of twenty-two.”
We share small snickers about my brother’s whimsical way of working before she asks, “How are you and Xander doing?”
For the first time to someone besides Katherine, I confess, “I don’t even really know anymore, Mom.”
Her body wanders back towards mine and sits in the chair beside me. “Talk to me, jellybean. What’s going on?”
“I just…I’m not sure we should be together.”
She doesn’t say anything.
She simply places her hand on top of mine for silent support.
“Sometimes it feels like I’m only with him because he was there to be with at one point in my life and I don’t have the strength to just end it. Then I start thinking back to all the years we’ve been together. We’ve had some good times. And laughs. And I am definitely more conscious of the environment because of him.”
“I think we all are.”
“So, thinking about those things makes me think that maybe I’m just having a crazy mid relationship crisis or whatever. But then…then we don’t agree on things that really matter to me…things that I think we should if we’re going to be together for the long haul…And I’m left just feeling like…like I just...like I just don’t know.”
“You have to ask yourself the first question that I feel matters most.”
“Which is?”
“Do you love him?”
Wow.
That question has never felt so complicated as it does right now.
“If you love Xander, jellybean, then see where you two can compromise on issues that are bothering you. Love requires work and energy, but you have to be on the same side of wanting the end result of being together because you love each other.”
Compromise.
Great.
The thing we’ve never really done before.
“However, if you don’t love him anymore, then let him go. Let yourself go. Move onward and upward.”
Sorrow slices my vocal cords.
All of that is bottom line basics.
I know it.
It’s not like she’s speaking in ancient proverbs taken from a dead language.
She’s speaking in the simplest terms she can.
I’m the one over here complicating things.
Refusing to accept what I already know.
Fear of what I’m about to do when I get home causes me to grip the mail in my hands tighter.
Dad joyfully walks into the kitchen, finally home from work. “Hey jellybean!”
“Hey Dad.”
“You coming over to your brother’s tonight for Spades and Sancocho? You know Antonio has been working on it all day.”
“Sadly, no.” I state at the same time I rise to my feet. “Just popped by to get my mail. Mom texted me that the pile was, and I quote ‘sky high’.” He’s flashed the measly five envelopes in my hand alongside a crooked smirk. “She clearly pulled a Chicken Little on me.”
“She just wanted to see your beautiful face.”
“Uh-huh, well, this beautiful face should go ahead and get home. Xander had a procedure today, and I need to check on him.”
Dad waits until I’ve placed a departing kiss on his cheek to ask, “Was it anything major?”
More tightening in my chest occurs until the words are literally choked from me. “I’m sure he’s fine.”
“Let us know if he needs anything,” Mom calls to me as I back up for the front door.
“Will do. Have fun with Gabe. Give them all my love.”
“Of course!” they exclaim in tandem.
After taking the longest route home possible, needing the space to outline exactly what I want to say in a way that doesn’t make me sound like a heartless wench or rambling sociopath, I grab the mail from the apartment box and head upstairs.
As soon as I’m inside, I call out, “Xander!” When there’s no response, I make my way towards our bedroom, dropping my work bag on the couch yet keeping hold of the mail. I know he’s home. There’s no way he would extend the afternoon time with his mother if he didn’t have to. “Xander!”