Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 73828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
But I know what the reality is.
Even knowing that, when we finish and shower up, I head back into the bedroom.
When I don’t throw my clothes on, and instead, crawl into the bed with him, I’m waiting for him to make a big fuss out of it. Call me out like he did on the kiss.
He doesn’t say anything, though, as I sneak up beside him.
“I’m gonna crash, if you don’t mind,” I say. “Just need to get a little sleep.”
It’s not ’cause I’m tired, and I know it, but because I want to be around him some more.
“That’s cool,” he says. “You wanna watch a movie? I can pull something up on Netflix.”
He picks his laptop up off the nightstand and pulls it into the bed with him.
“Here,” he pulls his pillow out from under him and hands it to me. “I’ll lay flat on the mattress, and you use that so you can see over me. I like falling asleep to it anyway.”
“Really?” I ask, thinking how cute that is.
“Yeah, I know, Greg always told me how weird that is.”
“It’s not that weird.”
He glances at me, and we share gazes for a few moments too long. I find this happening more and more frequently these days.
“What are we gonna watch?” I ask.
“Anything but horror,” he says quickly. “I can do sci-fi or fantasy, though. I’ve been watching this supernatural thriller series if you want to give it a try.”
I can tell he’s excited about it, so I tell him to put that on. He lays across the bed, me behind him.
There’s less than half a foot between us, and something in me urges me to close the gap. I want to sling my arm around him.
God, I’ve never felt that way about a guy.
I’m kind of mad that I’m starting to with Mark.
Who the fuck do I think I am lying in bed with a guy like him? Watching fucking movies? Kissing him on the cheek? So much for not giving him the wrong idea.
But I’m enjoying where this is heading.
I shouldn’t because I know there can’t be anything here. Not between a guy like me and a guy like him, but a guy can dream.
I fall asleep and wake up to bright white light.
I have my arm draped around Mark, my face nuzzled against his neck.
His laptop screen is black. Must’ve gone to sleep with us.
I don’t move. Don’t want him to wake up and find me in this position, especially considering how tightly I have my grip around him.
I close my eyes. If I pretend I’m asleep, then it can’t be weird.
And I can keep holding him like this.
I pull him even closer.
It’s not enough, though.
I kiss his neck softly, and I’m relieved when he doesn’t stir.
And I know I’m in fucking trouble, but I don’t fucking care anymore.
13
MARK
“Where have you been, man?” Keith asks.
Sitting across from me at the Starbucks we usually meet up at, he pulls his laptop from his bag and sets it on the table beside his hot cup.
“Just school and work,” I say.
He eyes me suspiciously. “Come on. Don’t play like you haven’t been slung up with some man all this time.”
“Nope,” I say quickly, hoping we can change the subject and move on.
I’m terrible for not telling him about Tim. At first, it was such an easy thing to keep from him. There was no reason to hurt him, but now every time he asks about what I’m up to or why I’m not free to hang out, I feel like a dick for lying.
It’s not any of his business, I keep telling myself. But I know he’ll be pissed when he finds out.
Not when, if.
All this time with Tim has been confusing as fuck.
The other morning, the first night he stayed over in the two months we’ve been doing this, I woke up and he had his arm wrapped around me. I should have said something, but it felt so good—so right—that I just lay still so he wouldn’t wake up and realize I was awake. I was perfectly still for an hour, enjoying the sensation of his arm around me and his nose pressed up against the back of my neck. I kept hoping he wouldn’t wake up, and if I hadn’t needed to go to the bathroom so fucking bad after an hour of my performance, I wouldn’t have caved. But when I shook him off, we both acted like nothing weird had just happened.
Maybe he’s used to holding a pillow like that. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t sleep in the same bed with guys…because he knows that’s a possibility. Whatever the reason, I enjoyed it way too much. Just like I enjoy all the time we’ve been spending together recently. God, I knew what I was getting into. I can’t think like this. It doesn’t get me anywhere. And it’s going to complicate things...and scare him away.