Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 93425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
I don’t know how I’m ever going to pay him back for this.
Matteo’s finally drifting off. His little fist clutches my shirt. He hasn’t let go of me. The driver I called either didn’t know about child car safety or he didn’t care, because he didn’t question when I strapped Matteo into his seat without a car seat. Then again, I doubt he picks up very many women on the side of a freeway, so maybe he could tell that it was under dire circumstances.
“Mommy?” He asks, yawning, with his eyes halfway closed.
“Yes, baby?”
“I want daddy.”
I don’t know what to tell him. He hasn’t called Enzo daddy to his face yet, at least not that I’ve heard. Now Enzo’s probably never going to hear him say it. I hold back my tears until Matteo is letting out little, soft snores.
I don’t sleep. There’s no way I’d be able to close my eyes after what happened today and feel secure. So I clutch Matteo to my side and watch the door.
I get a text from Derek that he’s arrived at about five in the morning. Everything is sore, my head aches from exhaustion and my whole body feels shaky from the lack of food. This isn’t the type of motel that offers breakfast in the morning, but there is a McDonald's down the street where I can hopefully grab something for Matteo.
“Morning,” Derek says when I open the door. He shoves a cup of coffee and a brown paper bag at me. When I look inside, there are breakfast sandwiches and bagels.
The thoughtfulness of the action is enough for me to break down into tears. Derek must be expecting this because he doesn’t hesitate to pull me into him for a hug.
He holds me while I cry, and I can’t help but catalog all the ways he does it wrong. His arms are too loose, his grip doesn’t threaten to suffocate me like Enzo’s does. My body doesn’t fit with his quite right. His skin is cool to the touch. But it’s comfort, so I bask in it.
When the sobs start to reside, Derek backs away from me so that he can look into my face. “What happened?”
He keeps his voice low since Matteo has miraculously slept through my crying. So I tell him.
It’s such a loaded question with too many answers. So I start from the beginning, and he lets me. He listens as I tell him about meeting Enzo at Andy’s wedding and how I got pregnant. About how I found out and it destroyed my relationship with my father. I tell him how Enzo tricked me into coming home.
I tell him how I fell in love with Enzo.
When we get to last night, being attacked and running away and how I no longer feel safe, I feel like everything has been taken out of me. I have to lean onto him and use him as a support to keep standing.
“Were you really a ruthless killer?” I ask him, a small hiccuping voice.
He doesn’t look at me when he answers. “I was. I thought I would be able to win my father’s love and approval through violence. Then, one day, I woke up after an explosion gone wrong and realized that he wouldn’t search for my body in the rubble of the building. So I ran. Started a new life.”
Enzo cares, I think to myself. He’s going to search, and he probably won’t stop searching even if he thinks that Matteo and I are dead. He’d have to see the bodies himself to be convinced.
“I met Lorenzo twice before I saw him at the hospital with you. Once about 6 years ago, and once 4 years ago right before I ran. The Lombardi’s were always different from my family. They aren’t innocent, not by any standard, but they hold values. Family. Happiness. I don’t think Enzo would ever be like my father.”
I hold my tongue though I want to tell him he’s right, that Enzo has been nothing but a loving father to Matteo.
“Do you want to leave him, Emma? If you tell me yes, I’ll take your word for it and get you both out of here, but I don’t think you want to go. I think you’re a wonderful mom who wants what’s best for her kid, but I don’t think you want to leave Lorenzo again.”
“I don’t.”
“So why are you?”
I glance at Matteo on the bed. “The same reason I left the first time. For Matteo. He deserves safety. He shouldn’t be in his own home and get attacked.”
“And this is your decision. Just like it was your decision five years ago?”
I open my mouth to reply, but when all that comes out is stuttering, I stop trying. Derek watches me intently, his eyes searching my face.