Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 61268 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 306(@200wpm)___ 245(@250wpm)___ 204(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61268 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 306(@200wpm)___ 245(@250wpm)___ 204(@300wpm)
Okay, so the word I’m really looking for is absolute desperation. Because that’s what I feel.
When I get back to the bed, Luna arches up and grabs me. She wraps her legs around me, tackling me down to the bed. I nearly squash her before I get myself situated right, but she just laughs and claims my mouth like I’m the most graceful, coordinated person in the world.
I pepper kisses on her after I pull away just for some air. I rain them down all over her—on her cheeks, her chin, her nose, her neck, her forehead. She finally grabs me and steadies me, guiding me to her mouth to plant furious kisses there too.
She wriggles below me again, her legs already wrapped around my waist. I reach between us and grip my dick, which bucks like a wild stallion in my hand. I run my tight fist down my shaft, spreading my arousal down my length, though I’m not sure why because I’m already beyond soaked. I’m so wet that my balls probably look like they’ve been dipped into a bubble bath, minus the bubbles. Jesus, what an image. Luna is soaked too, so wet for me.
The only thing stopping me now is the realization that during one of the last few times we did this, we created a child.
“Lu?”
“I’m…it’s alright,” she pants. “After I had Milo, I got them to put an IUD in since apparently, the pills weren’t working for me. I…I don’t know why, though. It’s not like I’ve ever had a use for it. Until this moment.”
“Are you…you’re saying that…”
“Yes, Tor. You were the last. It wasn’t just because I was busy or that I felt like trying to be romantic while being a single mom didn’t mix. I just…I never wanted it with anyone else. I guess it was you for me or no one.”
Her words floor me, and I’m momentarily stunned. I can’t say I’ve been a saint in the past five years. I mean, it was five years. But I can say I haven’t dated and that I’ve thrown myself into my work. I’ve always preferred my own company, and solitude was never a bad thing. The few times I did have sex, it was a mutual pleasure—two lonely people who needed company for the night with the understanding that it was never more than that. Okay, this just makes me sound like an asshole, but there have been others. I suppose I can’t say it didn’t mean something because saying that would also make me sound like an asshole. And I can’t say I regret it either because I was lonely, and being lonely is a very sad thing. Sometimes, it gets to be too much to bear, but that’s the past, and I’m here now.
Regardless, Luna isn’t looking at me like she expects me to admit the same. She’s always been realistic and real, and she’s always been the rock in my life.
This realization floors me again, literally. And this time, I nearly topple down straight on top of her. I catch myself, mostly because she’s holding on to me and supporting me like she always has. I thought I was the rock since guys are supposed to be the rock. They’re supposed to be rocky, granite, and tough, but it was always her. She was always the constant. She was it for me—the rock in our relationship and the foundation. I need to change that this time. Now, I need to be her rock. I need to be steady and steadfast, all while not being a rock at all. I can’t be the man I was before. Because I’m not the same man. The man who was never able to truly open himself up or even imagine sharing all his deepest parts with another person, the man who could never truly let someone else in, and the man who panicked and ran. I. Am. Not. That. Man. Anymore.
“Lu…” I whisper because somehow, someway, I need to tell her all of that, but she caresses my cheek and kisses me so softly that I feel like I’m a dang flower unfolding its petals, and she’s at the very center of me. Maybe she was always there.
She kisses me so softly, so intimately, that I know she knows. She knows all of it, and she understands. I don’t have to tell her a thing. She can see all of it, and she’s forgiven me for what I did. She understood me from the first. And now that I finally realize I was made for her and not the other way around, she’s here because she’s always known that about me too. She was just waiting for me to finally see it. To open up and come back to her.
God, I do not deserve this woman. I don’t deserve even so much as the goodness in her little finger, but she’s here. She’s here for me. And I swear that this time, I am going to bloody do everything in my power to earn her trust, be the man she deserves, and be her rock and flower in turns because she needs them both.