Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 77874 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77874 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
A minute goes by, then another and another. It’s a comfortable August night, probably in the midsixties, and when he shivers, I know it’s not because of the weather. He gets like this, to the point where he’s done talking. I doubt I can get him to speak more, or if this is the right time, but at least I can get him to listen. “I wanted you. I still want you. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
He rolls his eyes. “No one has to know we’re fucking. I don’t want a relationship with you.”
“Ouch.” I nudge him with my arm. “And that’s not what I mean.” But the truth is, it’s probably something we should keep between us. Cass was right when he asked about my job. “I don’t want you to think that my friendship is conditional…that I’m only here to get in your pants. I don’t want it to feel like sex is in exchange for anything other than making each other feel good.”
“Yeah, well, you’re the only one who thought that.”
“I don’t think that, and I just wanted to be sure. Cut me some slack, East. I’m trying here. This is a complicated situation. I care about you, about our friendship, and I want you, but hell, you can’t even admit to being friends with me. Most of the time, I’m pushing this friendship on you. How do I know it’s not the same with sex?”
“Because you’re fucking perfect and you would never do that. I called you tonight. I don’t…do that…but I did. Do you know how hard that was for me? How much I had to talk myself into it? But you’re so goddamned good, and there’s a dumb fucking part of me that wants to be around that. Wants to pretend. Wants to feel like I could be that, have that. Fuck, just be close to it.”
I suck in a sharp breath. I’ve been given compliments my whole life, been told similar things, but none of it felt like hearing those words from East. The swell of pride I feel at knowing I give him that, and that he wants to be something like that for me too.
“What do you want…with us?”
He sighs, then shakes his head. “There can’t be a real us, Archer. I’m not even a full person. Haven’t been for a long time. I can’t be a real us with anyone when I don’t have myself to give. And you don’t want that with me either, not really. You might not see it now, but you will one day, and until then…I’m so tired of being alone.”
There’s not a part of me that doesn’t realize how much it took East to say that to me, to feel it about me. That for whatever reason, he’s chosen me. And I know he thinks I’m going to walk away, and hell, this probably isn’t the healthiest thing in the world, but I’m not going to abandon him. I’m not going to make him feel rejected. I’m going to show him that there are people who will always be there for him, and I want to make him feel good in the process. Want to be close to him. Don’t want him to be alone. “Look at me.”
He doesn’t move. Doesn’t speak. Maybe even doesn’t breathe.
“East…look at me.”
He sighs…but then grudgingly does. “Good boy,” tumbles out of my mouth, playfully but also…not. His pupils blow wide in response, his body shaking like he can barely contain himself. I’ve never said something like that to anyone before. Never even thought about it. I don’t know what made me say it tonight, but the curiosity in his stare, the heat radiating off him… “You like that?”
“Shut up.”
“It’s okay to like it, East. You can be my good boy,” I say, testing the words again.
“What the fuck are you doing to me?” He tries to turn away, but I reach out and gently cup his chin.
“Kissing you. Gonna make you feel so good, and I know you’re gonna be good for me too.”
And somehow I know, sitting here looking at him, that there’s no turning back now, and I don’t want to.
CHAPTER NINE
Easton
My heart is beating almost too loudly to hear my thoughts…the fact that I answered Ella with a no out loud that Archer heard.
I tell myself that even though I want this, I should put a stop to it right now, tell him to fuck off with that good-boy shit. I’m not a boy, and I’m sure as shit not good, but I don’t say that. Maybe even wish he would tell me again. There’s no harm in letting Archer lie to me.
“You kissing me, or what?” I say because it’s a lot easier to be a dick or ignore important shit than it is to let myself focus on it.