Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 80651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“It’s been worth it though,” Parker said. “Bet you haven’t thought about Jacob once since you’ve strapped your skates on.”
I gave her a small smile. Jacob was all I thought about. I managed to corral my attention at work, but as soon as I stepped through the sliding doors into the outside world, all my thoughts rushed to him.
“Can I add my two pennies?” Tristan asked, leaning forward in his seat so he could look at me.
“On my needing Parker’s trademarked distraction techniques?” I asked.
“More on you and Jacob. I know I’ve never met him and it’s not like you and I have been friends for decades. It’s just that if breaking up with a guy you’ve been dating can make you this sad for this long, it strikes me that you shouldn’t have broken up.”
“Tristan,” Parker said in a warning tone. “She didn’t want to break up with him.”
“Right, and I understand why you did. But why don’t you just say fuck the lot of them? Who cares if some people think you’ve done well because of who you’re sleeping with? You’ll know the truth. Everyone who works with you will know the truth.”
I got what Tristan was saying, but he wasn’t in my shoes. “It’s complicated,” I replied. “Life isn’t that easy.”
“Isn’t it?” Tristan said. “Does life always have to be a struggle? You’ve worked hard to be a doctor. You’ve proved how committed you are, how resourceful. It shows how dedicated you are. But at some point you have to enjoy the fruits of your labor. At some point, life is allowed to be easy and fun. Why don’t you let yourself be with Jacob? Fuck the haters.”
“It’s easy to say when you’re not the outsider.”
Tristan shook his head. “I think if you label yourself an outsider, that’s what you’re going to be.”
“I didn’t label myself an outsider. I am an outsider. You think people are just going to—”
“I think people are going to do all sorts of things. I imagine most of the more senior people in the hospital won’t give a shit because most of them met their wives and husbands and partners at work as well. They’ll have seen doctors who come through from the fancy schools with top grades and do badly. They’ll have seen the opposite and everything in between. If you got the position at the Royal Free, you deserve it. They know that, and they’re the people you want to impress. Who cares about the gossip from the people at your level? They’ll come around. Or they won’t and they’re arseholes.”
I glanced at Parker to see her expression. Did she agree with Tristan? Did she think it was that easy?
She took my woolen-covered hand in hers. “I totally get why you don’t want people to judge you. But I don’t think the people who matter will. And I think Tristan’s right—it’s not a fluke that you got accepted at this hospital. It wasn’t some administrative error. You worked hard. You deserve it.”
I deserved it? I’d never thought about it like that.
“You’ve spent most of your life fighting for scraps, so when someone offers you a meal, you think it must be a mistake. It’s not. I’m not going to lecture you on letting go and just being happy—I know I’ve not had the same life experience as you. But I know you deserve to be happy.”
I leaned my head on Parker’s shoulder and squeezed her hand, a silent thank-you for her words.
All my anxiety about dating Jacob publicly had been because I didn’t think I deserved my job.
It was clear to me now.
“I worked really hard,” I said.
“Harder than really hard,” Parker said.
“I still work really hard.”
“Super hard,” Parker said. “But not only that, you’re just as capable and just as deserving as everyone in your year.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
She pulled me into a hug and then Tristan wrapped his long arms around both of us.
“Thanks, you two.”
“That’s it,” Tristan said. “I’m taking these skates off. They’re killing me and I feel like my work here is done.”
Parker laughed. “You earned a reprieve.”
“Are you going to call him now?” Tristan asked.
“Jacob? No. Even if I’m okay dating Jacob publicly, the feeling isn’t mutual. If I was to call him and say let’s dry hump in A&E—”
“For the record, I didn’t advocate for dry-humping at work,” Tristan said. “But I didn’t not advocate for it either. On balance I’m probably pro as a general rule, but I think you might want to hold off, given your job is to save the lives of people around you and everything.”
I smiled. “What I’m saying is even if I was okay with dating Jacob, he’s not okay with dating me. His reasons are bigger than mine. There’s no way he’d risk his career trajectory. I have to just accept it’s over.”